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April 9, 2008, 1:52 pm PDT
It's not as bad as you think.........
Quote From: gwarrior6
Oh man, can I relate. I do that to myself all the time in my head in front of a mirror. It's like a taped recording or broken record (or in this day and age, a broken Mp3...ha ha). I don't know if it's residual anorexia trying to sink its talons back in me, or depression but I think it stems from my own anxiety and self-consciousness that I have to change how I look at things. I'm negative about myself, and as momakababe said, it helps to write down your thoughts and go to a therapist that specializes in anxiety and depression...because I think you probably have a fair share of both ( I recognize a bit of me in your post).
As for saying things that you think other people think about you, my therapist said that it's called "fortune telling". You try to guess what other people are perceiving about you, assuming it's all negative and try to use the defense mechanism of rejecting yourself first. Odds are they're probably thinking about other things besides your weight, you just don't know what people think about.
As for losing the weight, small goals work best. It's unrealistic to think you can go back to the way you were 30 yrs ago overnight, so you just start small and work your way through easy, realistic goals. That goes for socializing also (you may have some Social Anxiety also), but small goals will work there also. Living well is the BEST revenge. Except for the VERY small minded people such as the fat abusers featured on the show today and a few others like them, the rest of us normal thinking human beings don't even notice when an overweight person walks by. What we do notice is if they smile, "great , that makes me smile back", or if their rude. I'm not even talking about weight here, I don't notice! I only notice how other people interact with me and others. Tall, short, fat, skinny, buck teeth, cross eyed, little person, etc, I don't care nor do I notice or make ANY judgments unless they are rude or are behaving in an odd manner or something that brings attention to them. Different people, opinions, looks, ethnicities, clothing, hair, etc. is what makes everyone different and what makes life so interesting. Wouldn't it be dull if everyone looked alike, talked alike, thought alike? Please don't be so hard on yourself or assume that others are noticing your own personal body or facial flaws. We are our own worst enemy.
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