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May 22, 2008, 7:46 pm PDT
I hope this helps!!!
Quote From: jaimie1974It is understandable that you get angry because of the mean things that he says. My advice to you is to approach him when there is no argument between the two of you, say to him, in a calm, rational voice, that you dont want to have nasty arguments with him anymore. If he doesnt take responsibility, if he says the arguments are because you get angry too fast, you should respond by saying- again, in a calm, rational manner- that you get angry because he says very hurtful things. Tell him that you dont need to get into who said what, that you dont want to re-hash the last argument that you had, you just want to make an agreement with him that the next time an argument comes up, you both agree that you will not say mean, hurtful things. If you dont agree on something, you have to find a way to speak up in a calm and reasonable manner, not in a way that is argumentative. The only person that you have control over is you, you cant change the way that he reacts/interacts with you- you can only change the way that you react during an argument. You know for a fact that the way youve been reacting does not work, and you know that you are tired of it, so it is time to try a new tactic; what do you have to lose? Hey I just thought I would piggyback what 1974 said. You really don't want to spend the rest of your life apologizing to your hsuband for something that you said in anger. The anger tends to last for a short time but the pain can be lifelong. The thing that helps me not take my arguments with my husband to the name-calling level is that I thing how it would make me feel if he was to dig around for that perfect thing to hurt me. I would not feel safe to return to him for comfort if he had just been the same person who caused me the pain. So I try especially hard to talk to my husband the way I want to be talked to. of course, I am a little older and I have been with this same guy for 12 years, so we have had a couple times that weren't so civil, just like everybody else. Something I tried, in the beginning of our marriage, was to sit down and make a list of things i wanted to discuss with my husband while I wasn't mad at him, while I was calm. Think about what you want to say to him and how you want him to recieve what you say to him. Then set aside special time to talk with him about your issues. Allow him to speak and listen to his comments and concerns. For me, this is the hard part because my husband tends to not talk to much unless it has to do with cars or movies. So you may hafta help along a bit. But remember this is all in the name of having a healthy longlasting marriage. I hope some of this helps you out, good luck!
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