What is the school doing about the behavior problems? There should definitely be some immediate consequences at school. Is this a new behavior for her? You should definitely have a conference involving the principal, the teacher, and maybe the school counselor. Are these behaviors happening at recess or in the classroom? It might be helpful for the school counselor to inconspicuously observe your daughter for a day or so...he/she might have some insight into the cause of the bad behavior. If you can get to the cause, you have a better chance of stopping the behaviors.
Arrange with the school that you get a phone call when your daughter is mis-behaving...perhaps SHE should be the one to make the phone call...a few times of having to "face the music" with mom might be enough to stop the behavior...you should know about it every time it happens.
Our elementary school has a report system for kids with on-going behavior problems. They have a behavior report sheet that the teacher fills out every day. The infractions are listed, as well as the times when the child is well-behaved. The report is a helpful tool for you to be able to discuss the behaviors at home. The report is to be signed by the parent every day, so the teachers know that they got it.
As far as punishment at home...you could have a chart that is based on the behavior reports you get from school...by phone, or whatever...track the good and the bad, and keep score, with points for good behavior, and points lost for bad behavior...make the points count for something that she would really like...maybe a trip out for ice cream or a movie...what ever would motivate her.
You could also keep in contact with the teacher by daily emails...same thing...a daily behavior report. Or, you could pick up your daughter from school every day, and stop in to see the teacher or principal for a behavior report...anything to keep in contact.
Communication between you and the school staff is the most important thing in curbing your daughter's bad behavior...you are all on the same team...with your daughter's best interests in mind.
Good luck...Becky
