Replies to '04/16 Drug Troubles'

Just remember that man made booze and other drugs but god made plants. Marijuana is a plant. Why do users have to be punish for what god made? Also doing drugs is by choice, no one can force another person to do something that they dont wanna do. Don't be so hard on your son. He just living life to the fullest.

My son is so much like the boy on the program.

I realize he is really trying to respond to the pressures of school and family. 

We need to do a better job giving him tools to cope.

 

Dear Disappointed Mom,

 

I hope you sign back on and read my message. If you do not do something like your son, he could turn out like this man here did: http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/2841/1

Do you believe in God and Jesus? I am asking this because it can give you both the tools you need to deal with this appropriately, it will combat your fear (fear is of the devil, perfect love (Jesus) casts out all fear; if God is for me, who can be against me?)

 

Teens and adults who excuse their addictions (whether it be drugs, alcohol, porn, or television) as a way to cope and unwind have not found a good way to cope, they have found a cope out. They are in bondage (a great book about bondage is Breaking Free from Beth Moore - you can get a copy of it really cheap used online at Amazon.com - maybe $8 including shipping).

 

I personally believe that the only way someone can truly change, without simply trading one addiction for another more widely accepted addiction (like pot use to drowning yourself with tv, movies, sports, and alcohol) is with the help of Jesus. "He whom the son sets free is free indeed" Isaiah 61 "to proclaim freedom for the captives"

 

Another therapist and professor that I know, Dr. Sanz, says that modern psychology is not able to change character flaws. He has been practicing for 20 or 30+ years. However, Jesus can transform character flaws. And prayers can help your family and your son through the process (the prayers of a righteous man avail much - James 5:16")

 

He never pays for marijuana at school.  He too has a pretty car but has not privileges to drive it.  He is grounded all the time. 

He says the same thing about smoking.  It relaxes him.  He intellectualizes that is less harmful than alcohol which is why he would not drink.  He is angry, unmotivated about the future and lies all the time.  He has been a worry I must admit since 7 years old.  Its always something. 

 

If he has a pretty car and has a drug problem, maybe his car being sold needs to be an option to help get him clean. There are lots of studies online that show the consequences for pot and cigarettes. There was a study not too long ago that pot use contributed to mental illness and I completely believe that. I used to teach in a facility for 10 to 23 year old coming from jail and rehab on their transition into public school or real life.  

 

I am disappointed in the reality that drinking and drugs, Juana, crack and heroin are sooooo common and normal and unchallenged in the high school.  I wish they had drug sniffing dogs all the time at school so at least there is some challenge.  I wish there was something I could do that would not label my child and get the high school on the track of learning not drugs. 

 

If they are common and unchallenged in the school and the teachers are scared, then the parents who care need to work together with the community resources (police, businesses, nonprofits, churches) to in-reach and clean it up. When I attended my high school, nothing was being done about drugs, rapes, violence, racism, etc and I stood up as a teen - I was dramatic but it got the point across. I wrote the governor and I wrote the Washington Post. I said that I would NEVER go back to the campus after I graduated early but I did a few years later and it was MUCH better than when I attended.

 

I know my child is my responsibility.  I am willing to continue efforts to work with I'm to develop appropriate coping tools. 

It is not just coping tools that your child needs. He needs faith in Jesus, prayers, counseling, and the school (his supply) needs to be addressed.

 

I am not OK with the role of taking on the school because I am fearful of the long term results on my other child.  But I believe they are an incubator for drugs.  the school even knows drugs are passed around all day and kids walk around with vodka in their glasses, but no one sees the 500 pound gorilla in the room; they say they are not policemen, they are teachers and administrators. 

 

disappointed mom. 

 

Disappointed mom, love equals time. In this case, the time that you put in to change the school and the future for your child and other people's children. I know that God (Jesus) will bless me when I help others, if I sow seeds that help others, eventually I will get a harvest too. It is a promise.

 

What are you afraid of? What are the fears for your other child? If you do not do something about the drugs, your other child and the children of your community will be sucked in. If you other child is threatened after you expose the drugs, why don't you home school him or online school him?

 

I was a teacher and teachers cannot do much with administrators backing them up. Administrators cannot do much without active parents backing them up. Dr. Phil is not able to rescue everyone. However, the strength and courage in a believer (in Jesus) who takes action can change the world, one person at a time, one school at a time, and one city at a time. Collectively and influentially, one person can make a difference.  

 

Heather (you can email me in my profile, if you want more assistance with changing things or resources - I can tell you what I did and have seen work)