Quote From: llyr8007Hello,
In answer to your question... hell yes... it is an invasion of her privacy!!!
I don't care if she is carrying on an emotional affair or what, it does not give you the right to snoop!!!.
Look at it this way... how would you feel if your wife wanted to snoop in your business? I don't think you would like it. So don't do it to her!!
Anyway... it seems to me that your behavior is driving her away.
I am not saying that she is perfect or that she is not responsible for her own choices and actions.... but getting on her case about who she talks with, rightly or wrongly is pushing her to this guy.
Also if there is an emotional affair that is going on between these two, perhaps it is because this guy is providing something that you are not providing to your wife!
Please don't think that I am criticizing you, because I am not, but just keep in mind that affairs usually don't just happen... there is some unhappiness in a marrage that drives one of the parties to seek attention elsewhere.
Anyway.... is you truly, truly want to save this marriage, then you need to find a different approach to dealing with your wife.
For starters, you need to stop with the criticizing and just be more loving, patient and kind.
You can do that by learning to communicate better.
BTW -- communication is NOT just something that is reserved for the bedroom, it something that you need to do everyday with your wife about just plain old ordinary stuff.
How do you communicate better?
Well... dont just talk about yourself, your job, your opinions, etc.. but encourage her to open up as well. Ask your wife questions about her day, ask her opinions or her thoughts on this thing or that thing, be encouraging and positive, be kind, be attentive, REALLY, REALLY LISTEN to what she has to say... rather than listening and criticizing or just flat out ignoring what she has to say about things.
Also seek out a marriage counselor... if she won't go, that doesn't mean you can't go on your own.
Good Luck,
Cricket
You are correct in saying that I drove her away. I know and understand that. I am now doing what I am supposed to do. It's a long story but I've posted on here a lot so if you get a chance you can read it. So, here's my situation, I know she is doing this, I do not know what they are talking about but at this point it doesn't matter. All I know is that they are talking for way too many hours. She is lying to me about how much they are talking. She says 5 - 10 min a day but it's an average of about 50 min a day. She is not willing to go to counseling and I can't bring up the amount of time she is talking because I'm not supposed to know. I just want her to stop giving away her emotions to him and start focusing on fixing our marriage. I am going to counseling on my own, I have changed my ways and how I treat her and I'm doing it., it's just not doing any good as long as this hurdle is in the way. So the question is, if I don't snoop and let her know that I know how does the behavior stop? It is a catch 22 situation. The other issue is that she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong. There are so many studies and information about emotional affairs that describe exactly what she is doing and I've brought this up to her and she thinks she is immune to it because it doesn't involve sex. well that's why it's called an "emotional affair". Anyway, I'm stuck on this. Thank you for you input I need as much as I can get.
