Replies to '04/25 Confronting Grandpa'

 

I've spent about 20yrs in therapy dealing with my own molestation by my father and I too allowed my son to go on a trip with his new wife and other grandchild. 

My explanation for why I let it happen now is that I just had not reached a staged in therapy where I was conscious of the danger.

this family is very similar to my own, the dynamics.  Everyone is in denial, the daughter is made to feel guilty, grandpa is excused by his wife.  It's sickening.

Inthat environment it's very hard to say no when the issue is so minimized and swept under the rug.  You try to go on as if it didn't happen and of course the perpetrator does everything to make sure that no one finds out and the victim loses credibility.

I am in shock.  I am an incest survivor and I would never allow my three children to be alone with my molester.  It was my duty to make sure that my children never experience the horrors that I did and I can't believe that she allowed her son to be with her father.  There is no excuse.  She

Please understand that things are a lot different for a person who has grown up with abuse.  Thinking logically is not always easy, when things in your life have been so twisted. Look at how twisted the mind of this monster is, I can only imagine what it would have been like growing up with him as a dad, twisting things around. She was constantly being told that she was wrong, and she had a hard time knowing what to believe was real. Her mother assured her she'd watch him, and wanting to believe her mother, she did. I don't feel she's at fault for this at all. You just can't make legitamate decisions when your in a situation like that.

 

I understood the emotion that this mother had when she was faced with the fact that her father was a liar.

What she said about going through hell is correct.  I too was molested by my father from the time I was six until I left the house at 19.  It was hell.  He took his own life when I was 23 and pregnant with my first child.

I can only imagine having to decide if I should be part of a family lie or stand my ground for my childs saftey.  I blamed my mother and still do for not protecting myself and my 2 sisters.  I wonder if I would have done the same thing. 

HER mother should be put in jail like she said.  She was worried "why should I lose my home and comfort" and stayed with this abusive man who abused her daughter at only a few weeks?  Now she says 'they need help" about her daughter and grandson.  They needed a MOTHER to protect both of them.  The original mother j- Elaine - was a joke and no real Mom to allow her daughter to be around someone who molested a BABY.  Then BOTH women allowed him to be around the grandson.  Neither woman should be allowed to have children.  Neither one is a protective Mom.  You don't take a chance with animals like this.

   My sentiments exactly! If she was so distraught, and her life was so in shambles by what her father did, then why let her son be around him? And ALONE at that? I don't know, but something about this just isn't adding up!

I can't believe that this mother, with the history that she proclaims with her father, would allow her son to stay with her father....

Nothing against the two previous posters, I'm just trying to see things from her perspective. I know she was/is sickened by what he did to her "back then."  However, considering it is her own Father, I'm sure somewhere deep down in her heart she wanted to believe he'd changed after all these years.  Anyway, that's just my take on things.

Nothing against the two previous posters, I commend both of you for standing up and protecting your kids.   I'm just trying to see things from her perspective. I know she was/is sickened by what he did to her "back then."  However, considering it is her own Father, I'm sure somewhere deep down in her heart she wanted to believe he'd changed after all these years.  Anyway, that's just my take on things, but I could be way off.