Replies to 'General Advice'
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October 13, 2005, 9:15 am PDT
 Quote From: tammym Hi I'm having major problems with my step-son being so lazy. All he wants to do is watch TV and play computer games. Last year he almost flunked his grade, and so far this year he is not doing well. He always made honor roll. His problem is school is crap like he "forgot" or "didnt feel like" filling out his daily journal or his book reports. He is supposed to be getting the journal signed everyday by us but he just "forgets". It doesn't matter how much he reads a day, if you dont write down things about the book you fail. It's just plain up stupid. He is not doing well in any of his other subjects either, except for Art!!! So we have taken his privelages away from him --tv, and computer games. We also give him 3 simple things each day to do for chores-- feed the dog, clean room, and dump the trash. He never does it until we come home from work and TELL him to. So then we decided to give him an allowance for doing his chores each day WITHOUT being told. That didnt work either. It did for about 2 days. Then recently I offered him a job where I work at. I work for a newspaper company, and my boss was asking did someones kid want to come and help organize a room in our building (just a bunch of newspapers that needs sorting through). My boss is going to pay and very well I here. It would be a little something to do after school, nothing permanent. I would pick him up in the middle of my day and bring him over, ect. So I go home talk it over with his father, and then talk to him. Before I could even finish he was shaking his head no. I said you havent even heard me out yet. I mentioned the money, he says how much. I say well I dont know the exact amount but a co-workers son has done a lot of work for my boss before, even cuts his grass, and my co-worker says he pays good. Anyway then after I finished talking to him, he tells me NO, he is not interested. I said why? He says, HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!! I then said thats not it you are just plain up lazy. His dad was shocked, but I don't know why because I have been telling him this all along. Please help! Thanks!!! NOt sure if I can help you are not, but my son (when he was that age) didn't do well in school either, actaully he would do assigments and one night we stayed up late to finnish it (I helped him) and then he didn't even hand it in! I didn't find out until report cards that he didn't hand it in, I couldn't figure out why when I even helped him with it.
He was suppose to get his homework journal signed everyday by me, and he would forget it, and things like that. I talked to alot of parents, some with kids the same age and some older who went through the same thing. A few of them said, it is his life, back off, he will realize on his own. This was hard for me to do as I want the best for my son. But I was tired of phone calls and emails. So I did, I backed off. He is now 15 and I havent' got a call from the school since grade 8! (he is in grade 10) He does it on his own.
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October 22, 2005, 11:53 pm PDT
Quote From: tammym Hi I'm having major problems with my step-son being so lazy. All he wants to do is watch TV and play computer games. Last year he almost flunked his grade, and so far this year he is not doing well. He always made honor roll. His problem is school is crap like he "forgot" or "didnt feel like" filling out his daily journal or his book reports. He is supposed to be getting the journal signed everyday by us but he just "forgets". It doesn't matter how much he reads a day, if you dont write down things about the book you fail. It's just plain up stupid. He is not doing well in any of his other subjects either, except for Art!!! So we have taken his privelages away from him --tv, and computer games. We also give him 3 simple things each day to do for chores-- feed the dog, clean room, and dump the trash. He never does it until we come home from work and TELL him to. So then we decided to give him an allowance for doing his chores each day WITHOUT being told. That didnt work either. It did for about 2 days. Then recently I offered him a job where I work at. I work for a newspaper company, and my boss was asking did someones kid want to come and help organize a room in our building (just a bunch of newspapers that needs sorting through). My boss is going to pay and very well I here. It would be a little something to do after school, nothing permanent. I would pick him up in the middle of my day and bring him over, ect. So I go home talk it over with his father, and then talk to him. Before I could even finish he was shaking his head no. I said you havent even heard me out yet. I mentioned the money, he says how much. I say well I dont know the exact amount but a co-workers son has done a lot of work for my boss before, even cuts his grass, and my co-worker says he pays good. Anyway then after I finished talking to him, he tells me NO, he is not interested. I said why? He says, HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!! I then said thats not it you are just plain up lazy. His dad was shocked, but I don't know why because I have been telling him this all along. Please help! Thanks!!! Just my 2 cents worth...to begin with I'll say I have 3 children of my own and 4 stepdaughters. Their ages range from 9 to 24. I also have had difficulty getting a few of our children to bring their assignments and student planners home from time to time. If it happens rarely then I don't address the issue other than to remind our children that it is very important that they stay committed to doing their best and that part of being committed to their education is bringing home their schoolwork. If I start noticing a pattern with any of our children I take immediate action. What I found that works well is setting a rule that any night that someone forgets their necessary school work / planners they lost their privileges for the night. This means no TV, computer, Nintendo, Playstation, phones, radios, CD players, etc. They are also expected to help with chores around the house while their sisters and brother complete their homework assignments. If they don't have their schoolwork then they cannot make the excuse that they don't have the time to help with dinner, vacuum the living room, take out the trash, etc. The main thing is you have to do it every day and mean it. Even if this leaves your child without privileges for days or weeks at a time. Privileges also include rides to friends houses and movies out with friends, etc. This includes weekends as well! It's been my experience that children (especially teenagers) get very weary of going without all the privileges that they take for granted. Good luck with your step-son. |
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November 30, 2005, 5:42 am PST
Quote From: tammym Hi I'm having major problems with my step-son being so lazy. All he wants to do is watch TV and play computer games. Last year he almost flunked his grade, and so far this year he is not doing well. He always made honor roll. His problem is school is crap like he "forgot" or "didnt feel like" filling out his daily journal or his book reports. He is supposed to be getting the journal signed everyday by us but he just "forgets". It doesn't matter how much he reads a day, if you dont write down things about the book you fail. It's just plain up stupid. He is not doing well in any of his other subjects either, except for Art!!! So we have taken his privelages away from him --tv, and computer games. We also give him 3 simple things each day to do for chores-- feed the dog, clean room, and dump the trash. He never does it until we come home from work and TELL him to. So then we decided to give him an allowance for doing his chores each day WITHOUT being told. That didnt work either. It did for about 2 days. Then recently I offered him a job where I work at. I work for a newspaper company, and my boss was asking did someones kid want to come and help organize a room in our building (just a bunch of newspapers that needs sorting through). My boss is going to pay and very well I here. It would be a little something to do after school, nothing permanent. I would pick him up in the middle of my day and bring him over, ect. So I go home talk it over with his father, and then talk to him. Before I could even finish he was shaking his head no. I said you havent even heard me out yet. I mentioned the money, he says how much. I say well I dont know the exact amount but a co-workers son has done a lot of work for my boss before, even cuts his grass, and my co-worker says he pays good. Anyway then after I finished talking to him, he tells me NO, he is not interested. I said why? He says, HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!! I then said thats not it you are just plain up lazy. His dad was shocked, but I don't know why because I have been telling him this all along. Please help! Thanks!!! Have you ever tried calling him to the dinner table - having it set for a usual dinner - and on every ones plate - have a vitamin. When a comment is made Reply - well C R A P I forgot and what I didn't forget I didn't feel like it. Shock sometimes can be fun. My guys have never gone to bed hungry - but they have had many a late dinner. Get Dad to enforce a no excuse policy on the school work. You can be a great help but you can't set the rule 'no excuse' . |
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