Quote From: a_n_otherYou arrived on the scene when the ex was 3 months pregnant. In the past year she has gone from having a supportive, though reluctant partner, to having to cope with a bankcrupt who expects her to reorganise her schedule at the drop of a hat to accommodate child visitation with an unknown new wife who it is clear will make sure she has large say in everything.
Speaking personally it was two years after having each of my children that I was on an even keel again and until you have a child it is impossible to explain how you have to train yourself out of being over-protective when they are very small and with other people.
I also think you are expecting a lot in terms of bonding with a 6 month old. Again speaking personally very young babies are extremely selfish creatures who have to learn that responding to attention gets them great rewards.
Your husband has a duty to make paying child support and turning up for visitation barring sudden emergencies the priority in his life. It's about time he made some allowances for the difficulties involved in being alone during the later stages of pregnancy and starting motherhood as a single parent. If he walks you have to question whether he's ready for marriage to anyone, even you.
Well first of all, she was the one who chose to leave the relationship. He was never reluctant to be there for her. He was very supportive until she walked out on him.
Secondly, we're not the ones asking her to reorganize her schedule for us...it's exactly the opposite! She only wants visitations on her terms and when it's good for her. That's why my husband and I tried to compromise with her on the times and set up certain times during the week that EVERYONE could agree on. That way, no one would have to work around anyone else's schedules. But she didn't want to compromise; she wanted it to be HER way!
Also, there may not be a lot of bonding at 6 months of age. But as the father, my husband IS entitled to spend quality time with his son without his every move being watched like he is some criminal!
And the only time we ever backed out on visitations is when one of us got sick because we didn't want a small infant to catch the crud we had. Every other time she called us to visit, we were there. And we worked around her schedule in order to avoid conflict. I think you're forgetting that she chose to be alone during the later stages of pregnancy and during the course of motherhood. She made the decision to leave a very supportive man who intended be there for her despite the troubles they were having in their relationship. She made this decision and therefore it is not in any way my husband's fault, and nor she he have to pay for it. The child support he is paying this woman is to support that child he helped to create; he does not owe her a thing. I can't believe how you are trying to make her a victim. In the words of Dr Phil, "If you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences." She chose to leave my husband who had every intention of being there for her, thus she chose to bear the difficulties of being alone during the course of her pregnancy.
