Replies to 'Step-Parenting'

I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago.  There is a 15 year age difference between him and I.   I share custody of my 16 year old son with my ex, and I cant help but get the feeling that my b/f is jealous of the relationship I have with my son.   My son does his own laundry, cooks, and with a little pushing will clean up after himself as well.  I went from seeing him everyday while his father and I were together to now only seeing him half as much. (Two weeks with me, two with his dad) 

My son was always involved in basketball, and I really enjoyed the 3 nights a week of practices and weekend games etc... that it involved.  I was very active in fundraising etc... for their team and loved the interaction with the other parents as well.  Due to an injury, and surgery, my son was unable to continue with basketball and no longer plays.   (He hasnt played since I have been involved with my new hubby)  Any time that my son and I talk about his basketball days, my boyfriend generally has comments about how wrong it was for me to have spent so much time and money catering to my son.  He thinks that kids are to be told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it and that kids are not to be catered to at all.  He thinks that because we were so involved that he was a spoiled rotten "only child".  He has 3 older children from a previous marriage who have told me that living with him when they were younger was very difficult. 

Last year my son had gone through a stage where he was testing his limits , (missed curfews, smoking, a couple of missed classes) but never anything serious.  Even though my son has done really well in the last year, and hasnt gotten into any trouble, my b/f always brings up the mistakes that he made.  My son has never talked back to my boyfriend, or me in a disrespectful way.  My son and I have had a couple of arguments over what he can and cannot do, and we have both said some things that we have regretted, but all in all, my son and I are really close. 

We have two completely different ideas about discipline and communication.  I believe that by asking my son nicely to turn a light off that he forgot to turn off, he is more likely to do it without  us getting frustrated with each other.  My boyfriends idea is to allow my son to leave the room, wait until he is either busy doing something else, or sleeping and then tell him to get his ass up and turn the light off.  I know that my son is not the only teenager out there who leaves lights on, forgets to hang a towel up, forgets to rinse a dish out etc.... and I really dont think screaming and hollering about every small thing is the answer.   

The last straw came last week when my son forgot to turn the light off in his room, he had been sick for the previous two days, and this time instead of asking him to do it himself, which is what I usually do, I did it for him.  That is when my b/f started screaming that I was spoiling him rotten, (in front of my son and this wasnt the first time) that I might as well spoon feed him.  He then brought up the fact that I was too affectionate with my son, and that it wasnt healthy.  What he was referring to is a month before, my son had come home after playing football, and said that his back was really sore, he asked if I would rub it for a minute in hopes that it would make it feel better.  I did it, which I really dont think there is anything wrong with.... I'm lucky that I have a teenage son who will let me get within 10 feet of him.   At least once a month I make it a point to hug him, and I dont go a day without at least telling him once that I love him.  Sometimes, my b/f makes me think that I am crazy for trying to keep my relationship with my son a close one.   He has also made remarks in front of my son and his own 3 kids, about him (my son) being a sponge (when he was 15, and not yet allowed to get a job), spoiled, catered to, and just like his father.  I am really ready to throw in the towel as I dont want my son to start believing that he is a bad person.   

The other issue is with the way that his kids and grandkids act when they visit our home.   The basically do what they want, when they want.  When I ask why they can come into the house and do what they want but if my son leaves a light on a war breaks out, he says that when his kids were his age, they had to tow the line.  He says that he cant control how they act etc... now that they are grown and on their own.  He says that if I have a problem with how they act, I am to confront them when they are doing it.  I love each and every one of his kids, and I generally dont mind when they come around.  I just dont like when my son gets singled out as the only one to do things wrong.   

I have told him time and time again that I wouldnt be so touchy about him criticizing things that he does wrong if only he could once in a while also give him some positive feedback about something he may have done right.  He never has! 

I really love him, and he can be a very nice, funny romantic guy.  I just dont know if I can continue walking on eggshells when my son is around, scared that if he does something wrong, he will again be belittled.  I would love to hear feedback, good and bad from anyone....   

Am I crazy?  Am I being too overprotective?  Is he jealous?   

I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago.  There is a 15 year age difference between him and I.   I share custody of my 16 year old son with my ex, and I cant help but get the feeling that my b/f is jealous of the relationship I have with my son.   My son does his own laundry, cooks, and with a little pushing will clean up after himself as well.  I went from seeing him everyday while his father and I were together to now only seeing him half as much. (Two weeks with me, two with his dad) 

My son was always involved in basketball, and I really enjoyed the 3 nights a week of practices and weekend games etc... that it involved.  I was very active in fundraising etc... for their team and loved the interaction with the other parents as well.  Due to an injury, and surgery, my son was unable to continue with basketball and no longer plays.   (He hasnt played since I have been involved with my new hubby)  Any time that my son and I talk about his basketball days, my boyfriend generally has comments about how wrong it was for me to have spent so much time and money catering to my son.  He thinks that kids are to be told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it and that kids are not to be catered to at all.  He thinks that because we were so involved that he was a spoiled rotten "only child".  He has 3 older children from a previous marriage who have told me that living with him when they were younger was very difficult. 

Last year my son had gone through a stage where he was testing his limits , (missed curfews, smoking, a couple of missed classes) but never anything serious.  Even though my son has done really well in the last year, and hasnt gotten into any trouble, my b/f always brings up the mistakes that he made.  My son has never talked back to my boyfriend, or me in a disrespectful way.  My son and I have had a couple of arguments over what he can and cannot do, and we have both said some things that we have regretted, but all in all, my son and I are really close. 

We have two completely different ideas about discipline and communication.  I believe that by asking my son nicely to turn a light off that he forgot to turn off, he is more likely to do it without  us getting frustrated with each other.  My boyfriends idea is to allow my son to leave the room, wait until he is either busy doing something else, or sleeping and then tell him to get his ass up and turn the light off.  I know that my son is not the only teenager out there who leaves lights on, forgets to hang a towel up, forgets to rinse a dish out etc.... and I really dont think screaming and hollering about every small thing is the answer.   

The last straw came last week when my son forgot to turn the light off in his room, he had been sick for the previous two days, and this time instead of asking him to do it himself, which is what I usually do, I did it for him.  That is when my b/f started screaming that I was spoiling him rotten, (in front of my son and this wasnt the first time) that I might as well spoon feed him.  He then brought up the fact that I was too affectionate with my son, and that it wasnt healthy.  What he was referring to is a month before, my son had come home after playing football, and said that his back was really sore, he asked if I would rub it for a minute in hopes that it would make it feel better.  I did it, which I really dont think there is anything wrong with.... I'm lucky that I have a teenage son who will let me get within 10 feet of him.   At least once a month I make it a point to hug him, and I dont go a day without at least telling him once that I love him.  Sometimes, my b/f makes me think that I am crazy for trying to keep my relationship with my son a close one.   He has also made remarks in front of my son and his own 3 kids, about him (my son) being a sponge (when he was 15, and not yet allowed to get a job), spoiled, catered to, and just like his father.  I am really ready to throw in the towel as I dont want my son to start believing that he is a bad person.   

The other issue is with the way that his kids and grandkids act when they visit our home.   The basically do what they want, when they want.  When I ask why they can come into the house and do what they want but if my son leaves a light on a war breaks out, he says that when his kids were his age, they had to tow the line.  He says that he cant control how they act etc... now that they are grown and on their own.  He says that if I have a problem with how they act, I am to confront them when they are doing it.  I love each and every one of his kids, and I generally dont mind when they come around.  I just dont like when my son gets singled out as the only one to do things wrong.   

I have told him time and time again that I wouldnt be so touchy about him criticizing things that he does wrong if only he could once in a while also give him some positive feedback about something he may have done right.  He never has! 

I really love him, and he can be a very nice, funny romantic guy.  I just dont know if I can continue walking on eggshells when my son is around, scared that if he does something wrong, he will again be belittled.  I would love to hear feedback, good and bad from anyone....   

Am I crazy?  Am I being too overprotective?  Is he jealous?   

I moved in with my boyfriend about a year ago.  There is a 15 year age difference between him and I.   I share custody of my 16 year old son with my ex, and I cant help but get the feeling that my b/f is jealous of the relationship I have with my son.   My son does his own laundry, cooks, and with a little pushing will clean up after himself as well.  I went from seeing him everyday while his father and I were together to now only seeing him half as much. (Two weeks with me, two with his dad) 

My son was always involved in basketball, and I really enjoyed the 3 nights a week of practices and weekend games etc... that it involved.  I was very active in fundraising etc... for their team and loved the interaction with the other parents as well.  Due to an injury, and surgery, my son was unable to continue with basketball and no longer plays.   (He hasnt played since I have been involved with my new hubby)  Any time that my son and I talk about his basketball days, my boyfriend generally has comments about how wrong it was for me to have spent so much time and money catering to my son.  He thinks that kids are to be told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it and that kids are not to be catered to at all.  He thinks that because we were so involved that he was a spoiled rotten "only child".  He has 3 older children from a previous marriage who have told me that living with him when they were younger was very difficult. 

Last year my son had gone through a stage where he was testing his limits , (missed curfews, smoking, a couple of missed classes) but never anything serious.  Even though my son has done really well in the last year, and hasnt gotten into any trouble, my b/f always brings up the mistakes that he made.  My son has never talked back to my boyfriend, or me in a disrespectful way.  My son and I have had a couple of arguments over what he can and cannot do, and we have both said some things that we have regretted, but all in all, my son and I are really close. 

We have two completely different ideas about discipline and communication.  I believe that by asking my son nicely to turn a light off that he forgot to turn off, he is more likely to do it without  us getting frustrated with each other.  My boyfriends idea is to allow my son to leave the room, wait until he is either busy doing something else, or sleeping and then tell him to get his ass up and turn the light off.  I know that my son is not the only teenager out there who leaves lights on, forgets to hang a towel up, forgets to rinse a dish out etc.... and I really dont think screaming and hollering about every small thing is the answer.   

The last straw came last week when my son forgot to turn the light off in his room, he had been sick for the previous two days, and this time instead of asking him to do it himself, which is what I usually do, I did it for him.  That is when my b/f started screaming that I was spoiling him rotten, (in front of my son and this wasnt the first time) that I might as well spoon feed him.  He then brought up the fact that I was too affectionate with my son, and that it wasnt healthy.  What he was referring to is a month before, my son had come home after playing football, and said that his back was really sore, he asked if I would rub it for a minute in hopes that it would make it feel better.  I did it, which I really dont think there is anything wrong with.... I'm lucky that I have a teenage son who will let me get within 10 feet of him.   At least once a month I make it a point to hug him, and I dont go a day without at least telling him once that I love him.  Sometimes, my b/f makes me think that I am crazy for trying to keep my relationship with my son a close one.   He has also made remarks in front of my son and his own 3 kids, about him (my son) being a sponge (when he was 15, and not yet allowed to get a job), spoiled, catered to, and just like his father.  I am really ready to throw in the towel as I dont want my son to start believing that he is a bad person.   

The other issue is with the way that his kids and grandkids act when they visit our home.   The basically do what they want, when they want.  When I ask why they can come into the house and do what they want but if my son leaves a light on a war breaks out, he says that when his kids were his age, they had to tow the line.  He says that he cant control how they act etc... now that they are grown and on their own.  He says that if I have a problem with how they act, I am to confront them when they are doing it.  I love each and every one of his kids, and I generally dont mind when they come around.  I just dont like when my son gets singled out as the only one to do things wrong.   

I have told him time and time again that I wouldnt be so touchy about him criticizing things that he does wrong if only he could once in a while also give him some positive feedback about something he may have done right.  He never has! 

I really love him, and he can be a very nice, funny romantic guy.  I just dont know if I can continue walking on eggshells when my son is around, scared that if he does something wrong, he will again be belittled.  I would love to hear feedback, good and bad from anyone....   

Am I crazy?  Am I being too overprotective?  Is he jealous?