Quote From: harmony40My closest friend is engaged. I want to be the best friend I can for her but can't be happy about this marriage. She and her "fiance" have been dating for 3 years. In this 3 years he has cheated on her at least 5 times. Maybe more. The last time in 02/2008 when he flew his girlfriend from FL (whom he has been seeing for the past 9 years but told my friend that he had broken up with) to MO where he was temporarily working to celebrate his birthday. My friend found out when she has a "suspicion" and checked his airline account and discovered that he had bought the airline ticket. This is not the only woman he has cheated on her with. He asked her to marry him a couple of weeks ago and she said yes!!!! When she told me I was in shock!!! She is smarter than this. I can't figure out why she is doing this. I want so badly to tell her to run for the hills, forget she ever knew him. He has treated her so horribly what makes her think he has suddenly changed.... She is so embarrassed/ashamed/reluctant for anyone to know that she has told no one other than me that they are engaged and wears the engagement ring on her right hand.
The only thing I said to her was "Make absolutely sure this is what you want before you make it final." I don't want to hurt her by saying what I really feel which isn't very nice. On the other hand if I say nothing and she marries the creep I'll feel equally bad.
Help! Adivce?
Hi,
it is really hard not to hurt your friend if you really want to help her. Ask yourself what would be worse: lying to her and let her hurt herself or by him? Or tell the truth in a tactical manner by expressing what you feel and why! Argumentation is essential in these matters. You can't just go around and say: hey I think the man you are getting married to is a jerk! She would feel as if you attacked her. But sitting down with her and telling her that you have to get something of your chest is in my opinion the best thing to do. You can't change the truth of this problem and how you feel about it. But you can express the truth (that's the thing about the truth, wether you say it or not: it still is!).
Good luck with this. I understand it is not easy to do, but if she is a true friend and you only want to keep her from harm, just say so then. She will understand. But is she chooses not to do something with what you say, then it is her choice...
