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July 30, 2005, 5:40 am PDT
Cleaning out the room
Quote From: tammyo1973She has bipolar, ptsd, and anxiety disorder. She is the queen of backtalk.
My problem is she doesn't get the consequence thing. No matter what I do she doesn't get it.
My best weapon was a behavioral contract. I printed the one from Dr. Phil's book Family FIrst.We use that.
When things get so out of control I strip her room. I mean EVERYTHING except her bed and a weeks worth of clothes, that I picked. I think some of the problem with children today is they just get everything. They have everything. Once I took all my daughters things she had to earn them back. She had a point system and every 10 points she got to go into the storage room and get one item. This way they have to "work" at their behavior and it takes a long time to get everything back.
You have to find what works for you but if you lay everything out in a contract (get your childs input as well this makes them feel involved not punished at the get go) everyone sign it and then review every so often.
Because of my daughters illness I had to include small things like showering everyday and taking her meds.
We put in things that were to be done daily, behaviors that we wanted to see, ones we didn't and then listed privledges for doing good and consequences for bad behaviors. This is so awesome because then you eliminate the confrontation of disipline. All I do is look at the contract and tell her what the consequence is and thats it.
Tammy I too went through the trouble of cleaning out my daughter's room the first of the year. I did it while she was away for two weeks at a training camp for Sea Cadets(which I thought that this to would straighten her out but hasn't--but she does have good goals with it) When she came home I sat her down and told her that this was going to be a "Dr Phil" year. I explained that I took everything out but the bed and a desk for schoolwork. I would give her, her clothes everyday and that she would have to start earning everything back. Well it is now going on 8 months of sticking to my guns and slowly things have started to sink in her brain that mom means business. Still have problems with the mouth(more with dad then me) but she is starting to get into doing some work around the house without having to be told to do it. I am still hanging in and really trying to stay strong but it is a every day chore for me to keep everything in check and keep the wars from starting. It has become a point that I really can not wait until she graduates this year and goes into the service and then I will be able to let my breath out. I have taught her the morals of no sex, no drugs, and no drinking. She is not allowed to be out running the streets and everywhere I go she has to go as I really do have a big trust issue. I can't leave her in the house alone to go shopping as everything will be eaten out of the house or she will find a way to steal something that is not locked up. I have tried the contract, I have tried writing it on the "wall" and have placed all the consequences yet nothing seems to sink in to her head. So just hang tuff with the stuff out of the room and good luck
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