Replies to '04/24 A Boy in Trouble'

Given your brother's tract record, I very much doubt your wrong.

Kudos to you for doing what good moms do. Sounds like your mom acted the part of an ostrich.

I'm sorry, but I cannot find it in me to feel bad for grown victims of abuse. Children, yes, they don't have a choice, but as an adult you do. I've been in abusive relationships before, I not only got the hell out but I knocked him flat on my way out the door. I didn't go back to it, I didn't whine about it. Granted, that was physical abuse but abuse is abuse. As an adult, if you let it happen, it's on you. There are ways out unless they keep you chained in the basement. (In these extreme cases, I will shed a tear). In this case though, not only was she ok with it happening to her, SHE PUT HER CHILD IN A POSITION TO LET IT HAPPEN TO HIM. The fathers horrible. What he did was UNTHINKABLE. I will make no excuses for him and I believe that he should (as Dr Phil would say) be put UNDER THE JAIL. But if that mother cannot stand up and take care of the child that SHE CHOSE to bring into this world, she needs to not have that child. If you are so weak that you endanger your child, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. It's really quite simple in my mind.

Let me warn you, I did not come with an internal editor and I'm not the nicest person in the world. If I offend you, rest assured that you are not the only person that I have offended and you are not required to read my posts. I make no apologies for my feelings on the subject and I do have a right to share those feelings just as you do. I've been abused, I am looking at this from a victims standpoint and from where I stand, I WOULD NEVER DELIBERATELY PUT MY CHILD THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH. Period.

I empathize completely, been there, and I do NOT mean to portray myself as self-righteous, hardly!!  But, having persevered through many 'experiences' in my life, I REFUSE to let those 'experiences' hold me back.  I am taking responsibility for how "I" am and excuse myself for when I was NOT in a position of power to change what was happening.  Sometimes, I have  been hyper vigilant, almost excessively so, but knowing what I 'know,' I feel it is my responsibility to STOP the cycle.  I have made other female family members very aware of what occurred, and I have encouraged them to be vigilant about their children, not just within the family, but within their entire social structures.  You have to be.  I do NOT dwell on what happened, I try my best to focus on changing the behavior and cutting out that major dysfunction in our entire family structure.  I believe if you don't, it can become a recurring occurrence in families, victimized become the predators, more victims, more predators, etc., you have to face it, (and it ain't easy), but you have to make the effort.  I know, this is one of the most shameful disgusting things, and people just won't talk about it or confront it, it's so "out there" and nauseating to people.  If you want to change, you have to find the courage, it's the only way.  I hate these particular shows of Phil's, I really do, because we talk so quickly about it, and then, hurriedly, head to something else--that's how much it affects people.  Every time, if I dwell too much on it, I get 'victimized' again, but I try to focus on how things can be changed, focusing on the action and power of change.  Thanks for your comments.