Replies to 'Single Parenting'

Well, there is good news and good news! The good news is, there are a lot things that can be done here from a behavioral aspect. The bad news is, I have no idea what is really going on in the situation. Anyone reading does not have any kind of background on what you do as a parent. Second of all, if the behavior, as you say, changes after seeing the grandmother... perhaps you should be questioning what is going on there.  

Your daughter is 4!  She doesn't know how to talk about her feelings and emotions.  She may not grasp hateful tone with feelings of someone else.  

Her father not being in her life has nothing to do with your ability to raise her.  I am a single parent of an 8 yr old which I've raised alone from day 1.  Teach respect.  Explain to her about different "voices" or tones.  Kids don't know things unless they are taught.  If she wants to tell you something in a hateful tone, tell her you will not listen until she talks nicely.  If the grandmother wants to partake in her life, talk with her about her attitude when she returns.  You will not allow her to go if she can not behave afterwards.  When she respects you, then you will let her go.  Again, children will do what they are able to get by with (tempers, etc) and repeat what they are taught.     

Hi, 

I have been divorced from my daughter's father since she was 3 months old. My ex-mother-in-law caused a lot of problems in our marriage and contributed to our divorce very heavily. She moved back in with him within two weeks of my leaving him with our 3-week old daughter. And she has been there until about a months ago when my ex's third wife threatened to leave if my ex didn't make his mother move out. Now, my ex-mother-in-law is doing to the third wife what she did to me. 

The point is...when my daughter was around three, my ex started exercising his visitation, which he had not done until that time. My daughter would often come back home crying and clingy and insisted on sleeping with me. I continually asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. 

Finally, one weekend my daughter came home hysterical, crying, screaming "Mommy, please don't die and leave me!" When I finally got out of her what was going on in my ex-husband's house by his mother (his mother was telling my daughter she was going to kill me so my daughter could live with them), I filed an immediate injunction to get visitation stopped. And, it was stopped before the next visitation weekend.  

The court ordered my husband to go to therapy and, while there wasn't anything I could do to his mother,  I got my message across. When visitation resumed about 2 1/2 months later, I didn't have any more problems with them telling my four-year-old things like that. 

If your daughter's grandmother has no visitation rights, stop letting her go. If she does, call an attorney and see what you can do. If you are short on money, find the local legal services office in your area and go ask for advice or a free lawyer to help you out. It is better to err on the side of caution with your daughter than take the chance your ex-mother-in-law is telling her things she shouldn't be told. 

Put your foot down and let her know you mean business. If she wants to see your daughter, she has to play by your rules. Period. 

BTW, my ex has not seen my daughter in 4 years now. 

SD