Replies to 'My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!'

Hi All,

I have a friend 'Lizzy' and we've been fairly close for a number of years. She loves calling a spade a spade and can be very meticulous in voicing her opinion, but in general is enjoyable company.

I have a  little girl 3 1/2, 'Megan', and 'Lizzy' has a little girl, same age 'Zoe'.

We get together about once or twice a month and spend 2-5 hours together. The girls have just begun to play together and so we get to relax a bit. (before that it was more like bickering and snatching toys away, regular toddler stuff)

Anyway, we were at a dinner party at a mutual friend's place and the girls were playing together. I was mingling with the guests when I heard Lizzy's insistent voice 'NO PUSHING'. I turned around hastily and found my little girl looking at me absolutely horrified and chin wobbly trying to make her way towards me. I said 'What happened?' And my friend continued 'NO pushing, Megan!, its not nice to push' Her tone was very cutting and totally inappropriate to what might have happened.

I put my arms out to console my daughter and tears were just spilling over her trying to speak 'mommy, i'm sorry, i didnt....it was a mistake'

And again Lizzy's loud, insistent voice 'SHE DID, I SAW HER WITH MY OWN EYES'

'I didnt Mommy'

SHE DID, DONT DENY IT, I SAW YOU DO IT.

At this point, I honestly didnt care about what happened, my maternal instinct took over and I scooped up my child who was at this point flooded with tears and beyond any consoling and I hushed her and soothed her.

Lizzy said to me again 'SHE pushed ZOE'

I ignored Lizzy and cradled my daughter and kissed her to stop her from crying and said 'Even if someone pushed you, baby, you're not supposed to push back'

I wasnt trying to be ignorant, just trying to say consoling things and to get control of the situation.

Megan whimpered 'Mommy, i;m sorry i didnt mean to it was an accident'

so i said 'dont cry baby i believe you'

well, didnt the s*** just hit the roof.

Lizzy says to me, 'you believe HER? You didnt see what she did. Zoe DIDNT DO anything to her'

So I said as calmly as i could 'what happened?'

turns out the kids were playing and apparently my child shoved her child aside with her elbow as Zoe was trying to climb on to Megan's chair.

I dont usually let my child get away with bad behaviour, but I didnt think that the punishment fit the crime and also everyone was watching at this point, so i just hushed up my child, and didnt comment on it.

Now my friend isnt speaking to me because she thinks that i took my child's word over hers.

I want to approach her but knowing the way she is, she wont back down and admit that she was bullying a little girl.

I mean there are ways to get kids to stop doing what they should be doing.

But humiliating a child and being very insistent and loud is a bad way to do it.

I am in a dilemma as to how to handle it.

any suggestions??

Also, I know my child may have been guilty about shoving her child, but I honestly think sometimes that children do things to each other and i dont think adults should get involved to such a degree. it was a nasty atmosphere not corrective.

Hi All,

I have a friend 'Lizzy' and we've been fairly close for a number of years. She loves calling a spade a spade and can be very meticulous in voicing her opinion, but in general is enjoyable company.

I have a  little girl 3 1/2, 'Megan', and 'Lizzy' has a little girl, same age 'Zoe'.

We get together about once or twice a month and spend 2-5 hours together. The girls have just begun to play together and so we get to relax a bit. (before that it was more like bickering and snatching toys away, regular toddler stuff)

Anyway, we were at a dinner party at a mutual friend's place and the girls were playing together. I was mingling with the guests when I heard Lizzy's insistent voice 'NO PUSHING'. I turned around hastily and found my little girl looking at me absolutely horrified and chin wobbly trying to make her way towards me. I said 'What happened?' And my friend continued 'NO pushing, Megan!, its not nice to push' Her tone was very cutting and totally inappropriate to what might have happened.

I put my arms out to console my daughter and tears were just spilling over her trying to speak 'mommy, i'm sorry, i didnt....it was a mistake'

And again Lizzy's loud, insistent voice 'SHE DID, I SAW HER WITH MY OWN EYES'

'I didnt Mommy'

SHE DID, DONT DENY IT, I SAW YOU DO IT.

At this point, I honestly didnt care about what happened, my maternal instinct took over and I scooped up my child who was at this point flooded with tears and beyond any consoling and I hushed her and soothed her.

Lizzy said to me again 'SHE pushed ZOE'

I ignored Lizzy and cradled my daughter and kissed her to stop her from crying and said 'Even if someone pushed you, baby, you're not supposed to push back'

I wasnt trying to be ignorant, just trying to say consoling things and to get control of the situation.

Megan whimpered 'Mommy, i;m sorry i didnt mean to it was an accident'

so i said 'dont cry baby i believe you'

well, didnt the s*** just hit the roof.

Lizzy says to me, 'you believe HER? You didnt see what she did. Zoe DIDNT DO anything to her'

So I said as calmly as i could 'what happened?'

turns out the kids were playing and apparently my child shoved her child aside with her elbow as Zoe was trying to climb on to Megan's chair.

I dont usually let my child get away with bad behaviour, but I didnt think that the punishment fit the crime and also everyone was watching at this point, so i just hushed up my child, and didnt comment on it.

Now my friend isnt speaking to me because she thinks that i took my child's word over hers.

I want to approach her but knowing the way she is, she wont back down and admit that she was bullying a little girl.

I mean there are ways to get kids to stop doing what they should be doing.

But humiliating a child and being very insistent and loud is a bad way to do it.

I am in a dilemma as to how to handle it.

any suggestions??

Also, I know my child may have been guilty about shoving her child, but I honestly think sometimes that children do things to each other and i dont think adults should get involved to such a degree. it was a nasty atmosphere not corrective.

Hi All,

I have a friend 'Lizzy' and we've been fairly close for a number of years. She loves calling a spade a spade and can be very meticulous in voicing her opinion, but in general is enjoyable company.

I have a  little girl 3 1/2, 'Megan', and 'Lizzy' has a little girl, same age 'Zoe'.

We get together about once or twice a month and spend 2-5 hours together. The girls have just begun to play together and so we get to relax a bit. (before that it was more like bickering and snatching toys away, regular toddler stuff)

Anyway, we were at a dinner party at a mutual friend's place and the girls were playing together. I was mingling with the guests when I heard Lizzy's insistent voice 'NO PUSHING'. I turned around hastily and found my little girl looking at me absolutely horrified and chin wobbly trying to make her way towards me. I said 'What happened?' And my friend continued 'NO pushing, Megan!, its not nice to push' Her tone was very cutting and totally inappropriate to what might have happened.

I put my arms out to console my daughter and tears were just spilling over her trying to speak 'mommy, i'm sorry, i didnt....it was a mistake'

And again Lizzy's loud, insistent voice 'SHE DID, I SAW HER WITH MY OWN EYES'

'I didnt Mommy'

SHE DID, DONT DENY IT, I SAW YOU DO IT.

At this point, I honestly didnt care about what happened, my maternal instinct took over and I scooped up my child who was at this point flooded with tears and beyond any consoling and I hushed her and soothed her.

Lizzy said to me again 'SHE pushed ZOE'

I ignored Lizzy and cradled my daughter and kissed her to stop her from crying and said 'Even if someone pushed you, baby, you're not supposed to push back'

I wasnt trying to be ignorant, just trying to say consoling things and to get control of the situation.

Megan whimpered 'Mommy, i;m sorry i didnt mean to it was an accident'

so i said 'dont cry baby i believe you'

well, didnt the s*** just hit the roof.

Lizzy says to me, 'you believe HER? You didnt see what she did. Zoe DIDNT DO anything to her'

So I said as calmly as i could 'what happened?'

turns out the kids were playing and apparently my child shoved her child aside with her elbow as Zoe was trying to climb on to Megan's chair.

I dont usually let my child get away with bad behaviour, but I didnt think that the punishment fit the crime and also everyone was watching at this point, so i just hushed up my child, and didnt comment on it.

Now my friend isnt speaking to me because she thinks that i took my child's word over hers.

I want to approach her but knowing the way she is, she wont back down and admit that she was bullying a little girl.

I mean there are ways to get kids to stop doing what they should be doing.

But humiliating a child and being very insistent and loud is a bad way to do it.

I am in a dilemma as to how to handle it.

any suggestions??

Also, I know my child may have been guilty about shoving her child, but I honestly think sometimes that children do things to each other and i dont think adults should get involved to such a degree. it was a nasty atmosphere not corrective.