Quote From: a_n_otherYou and your husband need to set up an arrangement whereby your stepson is collected and returned to a third party's house or he needs to WRITE to the school stating that he gives permission for his son to have lunch with his mother on Mondays or whatever.
You can't expect a school to take notice of a 'phone call from a step parent under the custody circumstances described and it's too much to expect a 12 year old to arrange visits to see his mother when he can't drive and you won't let her pick up and collect him unless there is a reliable bus service to a suitable meeting point.
At the moment you are playing right into her hands presuming she has a disruptive agenda because your husband hasn't accepted the necessity to react to her presence nearby and PROVIDE his son with the time and opportunity to see his mother. The child sneaks around with her because he knows whenever his mother's name is mentioned you and your husband will not see his point of view and are likely to over react.
You seem to of missed the point. Yes there is no doubt she has an agenda. As to the child sneaking off to meet with her he knows this is not an issue of him seeing his mother with us. He knows he can see her when they want to spend time together and arrangements can easily be made to get him to their visits...but because of past experience with her she is not welcome in our home period!
She is setting up meeting with the child without first speaking with the custodial parent period and wanting to remove the child from his classroom during classes is unacceptable that is why my husband suggested that she take him out for lunch instead. The parent who has custody of their child'/children will agree is not acceptably. Neither my husband nor I are in anyway trying to come between the child and his mother...
As I said in my first letter there is more to this situation with the child's mother which one could write a book on what I will say has taken place within the last year. She is the one who chose to throw the child away like yesterdays newspaper and now wants back in his life "obviously she has realized her mistake after all of these years and wants a relationship with the child. Fine and good." But she has tried on different times to under-mind our parenting of the child and this is quoting her "you don't have to listen to your dad or her...it is better to ask forgiveness then ask for permission." This is just one of many things that have arisen with her in the past year.
Thank-you again...but it wasn't helpful...Take Care Sunstone
