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September 17, 2005, 3:37 pm PDT
good in theory
Quote From: jettavI have been in a similar situation to a certain point, my husband never has tried to control me but getting him to go do things has been a problem and that is hard to deal with, I agree with Dr. Phil that we teach people how to treat us and as long as you allow your husbnad this hold on you, he will continue to do this, I think you just need to step out and do something, take your son and go. if you want to go to church, then find a church that you are interested in, get up on Sunday morning, get your son and yourself ready and go. Get to know people and don't wait on him to give you permission. You can't change him but you can change your self. When you get to know some one and you want to invite some one over then do it, get the evening ready and tell your husband that company is coming over and go with it. If he wants to cop up an attitude then that is his problem, not yours, it may be a little embarrassing or upsetting but you need to stick up for your self. get your self to the local "Y" or even the library and take your son to story time and all, Never too early to introduce your children to the library, Go to the park and enjoy a day out with your son and go to the play ground with him, there may also be a MOM'S group around some where, where you can go and meet other moms, Check out the MOPS (mothers of preschoolers)program. www.mops.com, it is a christian based group that usually meets in churches once or twice a month, there is a slight fee but is usually free the first couple visists or so so you can get a feel for the program. kids have a teacher who play and work on a basic curriculum with them. These are a few ways that you can get out and start meeting people and get to know them, Make sure you do take time with your husband, make sure you have nights with him and doing what he wants and all, include him as much as possible and if he rejects your offers then don't worry about him, some times it is hard for people to get out there and meet others and you may be the one to have to get the ball rolling here. This is a great idea in theory but having been there, other people notice the reaction of the husband and get turned off. Most people are looking at the couple as a whole and deciding whether they want to be friends with 'them.' You can meet all these people but one they get a look at the hermit husband.
With my husband, maybe he'll go along, but will contribute as little as possible to the conversation which always makes a big hit. The Moms notice too, "What's wrong with her husband," and they tag that onto you.
If he likes to stay home, like my husband, they go out but they don't really want to so they wind up being passive aggressive and pick fights, act cold or don't talk.
I tried all the above. I make friends easily, unfortunately, once my husband enters the picture, it's all downhill. You might get a friend or two but they won't want to go out as a couple. Probably just you and the girlfriend having coffee. Volunteer for things. But still. The husband is a dead weight at least mine is.
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