Replies to '06/30 Inappropriate In-laws'

I hope and pray there is a follow-up on this story, as well as some of the others in which a control freak is the origination of the problem. I'm desperate to know whether or not people who are this extremely controlling have any success in relinquishing control to a more 'normal' level.

I felt that Dr. Phil did a fabulous job with Bambi. I have no doubt whatsoever that Kendra does so little talking simply because she learned many many years ago that there is little, if anything that she can say that her mother will respect. This was demonstrated by that incredibly mature and loving letter. My mother has behaved similarly. Our relationship has not escalated to the level of this one simply because I did choose never to be indebted to my mother and thus allow her to throw that sort of thing in my face the way Bambi did to Kendra about the $3,000.

I haven't banned or forbidden my mother from seeing our family. Rather, she is like Bambi in today's episode. She has chosen to have extremely little to do with my children and has almost nothing whatsoever to do with my grandchildren. Like pulling teeth, I tried for decades to be loving, forgiving and patient, waiting to have a mom who loves her family unconditionally. Although I was very much like Kendra, I've now been married for 34 years and my mother hasn't changed yet. She must still be in control nearly every moment. Because I stand up for myself, she threatens and chooses to stay away. One of my granddaughters thought she was dead simply because she's never heard from my mother. My mother has no idea. If I told her, she would suddenly be in touch, but then vanish again, too lazy to be in touch, only attending events in which she can get away with being the controlling diva. She has told me repeatedly that we must do what she says simply because she's the mother, or because she's older, or sick, etc.

Bambi truly scares me, just like my own mother does. My mother raised her hand to slap me during her last visit to my home nearly 4 years ago. I will never be alone with her again because of this. I've never told her so, I just make sure someone else is around because I am nearly deaf and blind and may not be able to defend myself. I wonder if Bambi and people like her can truly ever be trusted not to become physically violent when they feel that loss of control at some point in the future, which is sure to happen because no one can ever control everything. If professional therapy can accomplish this, it will be a wonderful thing. The problem then, however, becomes that of getting someone like Bambi to admit they have a problem that needs fixing. We can't all go on the Dr. Phil show to give them that awakening!

My heartfelt condolences to Kendra. Some people don't have mothers, some have mothers who are drug addicts, criminals, etc. I find it incredibly helpful to simply accept my mother as she is, emotionally placing her in the category of absent mother. These women are not evil, simply unable to see through their own need for control, unaware of how incredibly toxic it is. I love my mother unconditionally, even though she loves me conditionally, but at the same time I understand I cannot change her. I accept that she is what she is and that I cannot , even through my own kind and loving actions, change her need for control.

I'll keep watching for positive outcomes to such personalities.

I hope and pray there is a follow-up on this story, as well as some of the others in which a control freak is the origination of the problem. I'm desperate to know whether or not people who are this extremely controlling have any success in relinquishing control to a more 'normal' level.

I felt that Dr. Phil did a fabulous job with Bambi. I have no doubt whatsoever that Kendra does so little talking simply because she learned many many years ago that there is little, if anything that she can say that her mother will respect. This was demonstrated by that incredibly mature and loving letter. My mother has behaved similarly. Our relationship has not escalated to the level of this one simply because I did choose never to be indebted to my mother and thus allow her to throw that sort of thing in my face the way Bambi did to Kendra about the $3,000.

I haven't banned or forbidden my mother from seeing our family. Rather, she is like Bambi in today's episode. She has chosen to have extremely little to do with my children and has almost nothing whatsoever to do with my grandchildren. Like pulling teeth, I tried for decades to be loving, forgiving and patient, waiting to have a mom who loves her family unconditionally. Although I was very much like Kendra, I've now been married for 34 years and my mother hasn't changed yet. She must still be in control nearly every moment. Because I stand up for myself, she threatens and chooses to stay away. One of my granddaughters thought she was dead simply because she's never heard from my mother. My mother has no idea. If I told her, she would suddenly be in touch, but then vanish again, too lazy to be in touch, only attending events in which she can get away with being the controlling diva. She has told me repeatedly that we must do what she says simply because she's the mother, or because she's older, or sick, etc.

Bambi truly scares me, just like my own mother does. My mother raised her hand to slap me during her last visit to my home nearly 4 years ago. I will never be alone with her again because of this. I've never told her so, I just make sure someone else is around because I am nearly deaf and blind and may not be able to defend myself. I wonder if Bambi and people like her can truly ever be trusted not to become physically violent when they feel that loss of control at some point in the future, which is sure to happen because no one can ever control everything. If professional therapy can accomplish this, it will be a wonderful thing. The problem then, however, becomes that of getting someone like Bambi to admit they have a problem that needs fixing. We can't all go on the Dr. Phil show to give them that awakening!

My heartfelt condolences to Kendra. Some people don't have mothers, some have mothers who are drug addicts, criminals, etc. I find it incredibly helpful to simply accept my mother as she is, emotionally placing her in the category of absent mother. These women are not evil, simply unable to see through their own need for control, unaware of how incredibly toxic it is. I love my mother unconditionally, even though she loves me conditionally, but at the same time I understand I cannot change her. I accept that she is what she is and that I cannot , even through my own kind and loving actions, change her need for control.

I'll keep watching for positive outcomes to such personalities.