Replies to '05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?'

She doesn't mean to hurt the people around her?  Oh, I get it, she is just a helpless victim. Just so you know, you are  condoning her actions with your comments.

i don't know Shani but i can tell you that i was in a similar situation around 1990.  i did wind up with the other man  we married 2 yrs. later.  i had a 3 yr.old boy and 7 yr.old girl.  I had one child with him.  he was everything my first husband wasn't and i loved him so much.  all was well for the first 4 yrs. then when his health went bad and he quit his sales job which involved travel, he began to drink more and become very difficult to live with and a nasty man.   I can tell you it does affect children and yes they turned out great but i will never get over the guilt that my children didn't have a normal mom and dad childhood.  not a day goes by that i do not think about it.  they love me and say they were loved and fine but they had to have suffered.  they do protect their parents.  i do believe everyone will pay a price and it just doesn't work out the way you think.  My second husband died a couple of years ago and my two oldest children only went to the funeral because of their little sister, to show support.  i know first hand how Shani feels, she loves Greg but it seems to me that if you do the wrong thing it does come back to bite you.  God love you and be careful

True, everyone needs love and affection but when you are married you do NOT go outside the marriage to find it.  If you no longer love your husband, you get a divorce then you get into another relationship.  Under no circumstances is it ok to cheat on a spouse.  You leave first then pursue other relationships.  Shani's problem is called self-centeredness.  Think about those children.  My dear your friend Shani is the villain - she made her own bed and can lay in it.  I assure you if the shoe was on the other foot, Miss Shani would be singing a different tune. 

Seriously, where is people's compassion?  It is sooo easy to say you would be different, but you never have had the pleasure of being in her shoes.  I am sure there are a few things all of have done that wouldn't match up to your own judgemental standards.

Besides that, her husband never not ever said he was sorry for ignoring her, or that he loved her, or appreciated her or missed her. 

Seriously.

A good person would not cheat on their husband, a good person would not steal a "friends" husband, and good person would care about all the children involved .  If I were in her shoes and my husband would not listen to me, I would have left a long time ago.  Rather than making things harder for other people as well. Its called being an adult and making mature choices. I mean I applaud her for coming to get help, but from how she looked, she looked like she didn't want to leave her "boyfriend." I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for homewreckers. If she decides she wants to be with this Gary guy,  then they deserve eachother. Hes going to end up cheating on her or vice versa.   And don't tell me she didn't mean to hurt anyone.  People don't mean to knock over a plate of food, people don't mean  not look where they are going and bump into someone.  She is an adult and she made the choice to sleep with her supposed friends husband and ruin two families.

I am surprised you feel we are making a villain out of your friend Shani.  She choose to go on the show and tell all her dirty laundry.  We are simply making our views known.  Shani was so wrong in sleeping with her friends husband, that there is nothing you can say or do to change that.  She knew it was wrong and chose to do it anyway.  She did not care about her friends feelings, nor,now does she feel bad about destroying her friends family.  All she talked about was how she got threats from this so called friend.   Well, what does she expect, gratitude??  As for her own family, her sons deserve much more than they are given.  She chose a man who was not hers over them.  And it is the way she is doing it that is so wrong.  It is one thing to leave your husband the right way and taking care of business, and another to simply tell everyone to F themseves and walk out.  The easy way, I know, but also the coward  and imature way to be sure.

 

You can (and I hope you really be a friend and not an enabler) support and love her all you want, but until Shani owns up to her responsiblity, she will never be happy nor have self respect.

 

For the life of me, I can't understand how folks go on TV and tell all their business, then expect the world to feel sorry for them.  If help is what you truly want, then you take the good with the bad and focus on getting well, or turning your life around.  Respect will follow and hopefully that respect comes from yourself.  Peace.