Replies to '05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?'

I too agree with you. My girlfriend too tried to get her husband to stop getting high and coming in the wee hours of the morning demanding sex and to do things from porn tapes her husband watched. When she talked to him pleading that he change his ways, he didn't-thinking he wasn't doing anything wrong. She ended up in an eight year affair. Her husband was oblivious-as well as the lover's wife! Then one day her world goes bad and the affair ends. Her husband wanted then to make the marriage work. But their kids lost all respect for him due to him mistreating her. But now there's no love left. But she tried. Thank goodness my friend's kids are grown.  I too believe Dr. Phil is right to say Shani should attempt to tie up the loose ends first, then move on.  But once in a while the grass is greener on the other side.

No one ever wants to take accountability for their actions!  Granted, the husband was not without faults...Dr. Phil made that clear to Shani I think 4-5 times during the show, however, that does not justify infidelity.  Haven't you ever heard the saying "Two wrongs don't make a right??"  If she was that emotionally DONE...why didn't she just ask for a divorce before hoppin in the sack with someone else??  The problem with this society is that its always about ME ME ME and how can I get what I want NOW.  And we wonder why there is a 50% divorce rate?  People are too damned selfish!  There's something called Agency...you have your ability to choose what you will, but you don't get to choose the consequences!  No one has any integrity anymore either.  The poor kids don't have the luxury of agency...they can't choose whether mom and dad will put them first instead of her selfish whims...they are the victims!  They get whatever is left over.  Shani and Greg are so self absorbed they have an attitude like "Oh well, they'll learn to deal."  Um, hell no!  Have you ever read the Book by Dr. Laura called "Parenthood by Proxy"???  We wonder why there's all these children with anger problems who end up hurting or killing other people (ie the public shooting rampages)!   It all starts with the decay of the family!  Your pissed off kid who has anger issues stemming from hurt from a divorce that never got validated is now hell bent on making others pay!  Wake up!  When you're the parent it is not all about just YOU anymore!

Thank you for your intelligent  reply.  It's nice to know there are other women out there that understand the dynamics of  an unhappy marriage and don't put all the blame on themselves.  So often I see women being put down as "bad wives and bad mothers" when they feel the need to take care of themselves, leave a MAN and take control of  thier  lives.  Good for you making the decision to put an entire OCEAN between yourself and you EX!  Love it......You are so right that kids need one house.  I do believe kids can have happy, fullfilling lives without 2 parents under the same roof if they are not happy.  I think it is soooooo much more damaging to children when they live with parents who are not happy with each other. I sure hope Shani decides for herself whether to conitune living with her husband as chieff cook, bottlewasher and bedwarmer! :) :) :)