Replies to '08/20 Sister-in-Law from Hell'

 I totally agree with you  wordha   What an etopia this  world would be if we DID all get along.  It isn't going to happen not in my life time or anyone elses.

 

Good Luck to this family.  They have more issues than Kellie

When someone enters a marriage the actual marriage is entered by two people. But if you think other family members are not involved, you are seriously mistaken. A Parent is always involved in a childs life, everytime a spouse asks for advise, and is given an answer, the parent is involved. Everytime they complain to another family member they are also involved. This family Dr. Phil had on was especially involved. They are over the top.

My husband was married once before me.  He and his first wife moved from New York to Florida to get away from his family...particularly one sister who controlled her mother, and got her "jollies" berating her sisters-in-law.  When he and I became seriously involved, I, being a moron, basing this Norman Rockwell Family on my own, and many others I knew of first hand, insisted we return to New York to be near family.Well, his Mother has passed away, as have my parents..but the sister is quite well, and nothing he had said about her was untrue!  Hate to admit this, but I was so wrong!  Her lies and the gossip have hurt so many people, separated more than I can believe.  We live 5 minutes from her..why? because I'm stupid..and I was hell bent on making the family work.  We do not speak..my children have been so hurt by her that there is no relationship.  We own a business and have for 22 years in the same location.  My children attend a local University, and have their friends here.  Once they graduate, and we can sell the business without commiting financial suicide, I am out of here! ( Unless she moves first, which is unlikely since she was born in this town.)

I cannot go anywhere without hearing of her "tales"...thankfully, most people just tune her out, but for the ones who don't, it's not very pleasant for me.  I am the "reason" her brother won't speak to her...funny, I was only 4 when the first family moved to Florida to escape, but that's so long ago, she feeds off fresh meat.  Thought I'd get stale by now.  I have another sister-in-law who had the same experience with this one.  She lives 3 hours away, but we get on just fine...

Sometimes, to save yourself, it's best to divorce your family of birth so as to live your own life to the fullest.  I found that to be repugnant in my idealistic youth...but again, I was dead wrong, my husband was right,  and sometimes Christmas Card communication and distance is the best way to get along. 

You really don't have to marry the whole family if that family will compromise your quality of life.  Nothing is better than having a loving supportive extended family, but it's like having a billion dollars...if you don't have it,  you CAN live very well without it. Since this was MY idea, not my husband's,  I do, at times, feel guilty for pushing him back into the fold. 

You should not the parents or inlaw for your own marriage problems. hey are your problems and your husbands problems.

I get along with my inlaws. I have 9 SIL's and 8 BIL's. It takes effort, understanding and compassion and nothing more.

I hope you are speaking from experience and not how you feel.

 

Speaking from experience as I have been married for 41 years. I can tell you that it is not impossable to agree and participate in family decisions.

 

First of all you have to be willing too and secondly it takes compassion and understanding to get along with people and be a part of their family. If you and your husband truly love each other you will look out for each others families and be willing to accept them in making sure that your spouse treats their family with respect.

 

You don't lhave to ive with your spouses family. A little of your timee is not a lot to ask.