Replies to '05/16 Spanking Scandals'
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May 10, 2008, 2:01 pm PDT
 Quote From: jamandkim Spanking in our society is done usually as a last resort because parents are frustrated. If we were more consistent with our kids and held ourselves (and then them) to the standard of respect, kindness and honesty, we would have less frustration and more results. Kids DO what they SEE, not what we tell them!!! "Spanking" or chastisement is a useful tool in a toolbox full of options - loss of privileges, reflective time outs, acts of taking personal responsibility, offering restitution, and others - for parents who are actively pursuing the training of their child's heart. It should never be used by a mom or dad who reactively parent in frustration.
"Spanking" is a very private and serious event. To approach the child that God entrusted to your care and responsibility with physical correction MUST be done in love and brokenness with the big picture in mind for the child - training them for the future. It should never happen in public or with a highly emotionally charged parent...then it is just striking out in anger...not correcting the child...this is abuse because it damages the child and the relationship they have with their parent.
I ache for the parents and children alike who are frustrated, wounded and hopeless about their relationships with each other. I grew up in a home with parents who struck out every time they were angry - usually because I made a mistake that embarrassed them or infringed upon their time. By the grace of God, I have learned a different way and my home is full of grace and joy. My children have been spanked when they have committed certain offenses but they are aware of their choices. If I am angry or upset, we wait until everyone is ready for the spanking...including me! I have three children - ages 7, 10, and 11. I haven't spanked my 10 or 11 year old for so long I don't remember the last time. My 7 year old still has the occasional spanking but there are really so many more useful options for training her now...losing freedoms or privileges hurt her far more at her age than a spanking!!!
I am so thankful that I had that tool available when they were younger and that I learned to do it with love and compassion. I am also thankful that there are so many other options as they get older that bring repentance and heart change in my them more effectively.
Kids can be your downfall if you don't teach them young How to mind their manners, how to control their tongue.
If you fail to put your foot down, they walk all over you And show you no respect, no matter what you try to do.
They need to know who thie boss is, so don't let them forget That you're the captain of the ship,.and respect they must learn yet.
Don't let them be your downfall. Life is hard enough. Let them know that you're in charge, and if need be, get tough.
They will look up to you when they are older with the respect shown And because you taught them, while they were young...
They take pride in the way they have grown.
Pg. 33 of my book "When the LIghts Are On But Nobody's Home"
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May 12, 2008, 5:24 am PDT
Quote From: jamandkim Spanking in our society is done usually as a last resort because parents are frustrated. If we were more consistent with our kids and held ourselves (and then them) to the standard of respect, kindness and honesty, we would have less frustration and more results. Kids DO what they SEE, not what we tell them!!! "Spanking" or chastisement is a useful tool in a toolbox full of options - loss of privileges, reflective time outs, acts of taking personal responsibility, offering restitution, and others - for parents who are actively pursuing the training of their child's heart. It should never be used by a mom or dad who reactively parent in frustration.
"Spanking" is a very private and serious event. To approach the child that God entrusted to your care and responsibility with physical correction MUST be done in love and brokenness with the big picture in mind for the child - training them for the future. It should never happen in public or with a highly emotionally charged parent...then it is just striking out in anger...not correcting the child...this is abuse because it damages the child and the relationship they have with their parent.
I ache for the parents and children alike who are frustrated, wounded and hopeless about their relationships with each other. I grew up in a home with parents who struck out every time they were angry - usually because I made a mistake that embarrassed them or infringed upon their time. By the grace of God, I have learned a different way and my home is full of grace and joy. My children have been spanked when they have committed certain offenses but they are aware of their choices. If I am angry or upset, we wait until everyone is ready for the spanking...including me! I have three children - ages 7, 10, and 11. I haven't spanked my 10 or 11 year old for so long I don't remember the last time. My 7 year old still has the occasional spanking but there are really so many more useful options for training her now...losing freedoms or privileges hurt her far more at her age than a spanking!!!
I am so thankful that I had that tool available when they were younger and that I learned to do it with love and compassion. I am also thankful that there are so many other options as they get older that bring repentance and heart change in my them more effectively.
WE DON'T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT CHILDREN ANY MORE. WE DON'T CARE HOW MUCH SEX OR VIOLENCE IS PUT BEFORE THEM IN THE MEDIA, HOW LONG THEY'RE GONE FROM HOME WHILE THEIR PARENTS ARE WORKING, NOR WHAT THEY ARE EATING. HOW OFTEN DO WE ASK OUR CHILDREN IF THEY ARE TIRED FROM THERE LONG DAY? WE DO KNOW HOW TIRED WE ARE AND THEY PROBABLY LEFT HOME THE SAME TIME AS WE DID. THATS WHY I CALL OUR CHILDREN THROW AWAY KIDS, NO-ONE SEEMS TO CARE. YOU HEAR MORE CONCERN FOR HOW ANIMALS ARE TREATED. TAKING A SPANKING, SO FOR AS TO LEAVE BRUISES, IS WRONG. BEING CRUEL TO ANYTHING OR ANYONE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!! IF YOU HAVE TO SPANK AND SOMETIMES WE DO, TO KEEP THEM SAFE, GET A LITTLE LIMBER GREEN SWITCH ABOUT SIX INCHES LONG AND SWITCH THEIR LITTLE BARE LEG ABOUT ONE OR TWO TIMES NO MORE THAN THAT. OLDER CHILDREN SHOULD BE TOLD YES OR NO. WHAT EVER ANSWER YOU GIVE STICK TO IT. THEIR IS ALWAYS A GADGET OR A PLACE THEY WANT TO GO YOU CAN TAKE AWAY FROM THEM. NEVER GIVE OUT PUNISHMENT THAT LAST TOO LONG THAT YOU CAN'T KEEP. IN OTHER WORDS DON'T MAKE IT FOR A WEEK OR MORE. RIGHT OFF THE CHILD LOSES FAITH BECAUSE OUR LIVES ARE TOO BUSY FOR THAT LONG OF PUNISHMENT. DON'T' MAKE THEM LIFERS!!!! |
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May 16, 2008, 4:44 pm PDT
Quote From: jamandkim Spanking in our society is done usually as a last resort because parents are frustrated. If we were more consistent with our kids and held ourselves (and then them) to the standard of respect, kindness and honesty, we would have less frustration and more results. Kids DO what they SEE, not what we tell them!!! "Spanking" or chastisement is a useful tool in a toolbox full of options - loss of privileges, reflective time outs, acts of taking personal responsibility, offering restitution, and others - for parents who are actively pursuing the training of their child's heart. It should never be used by a mom or dad who reactively parent in frustration.
"Spanking" is a very private and serious event. To approach the child that God entrusted to your care and responsibility with physical correction MUST be done in love and brokenness with the big picture in mind for the child - training them for the future. It should never happen in public or with a highly emotionally charged parent...then it is just striking out in anger...not correcting the child...this is abuse because it damages the child and the relationship they have with their parent.
I ache for the parents and children alike who are frustrated, wounded and hopeless about their relationships with each other. I grew up in a home with parents who struck out every time they were angry - usually because I made a mistake that embarrassed them or infringed upon their time. By the grace of God, I have learned a different way and my home is full of grace and joy. My children have been spanked when they have committed certain offenses but they are aware of their choices. If I am angry or upset, we wait until everyone is ready for the spanking...including me! I have three children - ages 7, 10, and 11. I haven't spanked my 10 or 11 year old for so long I don't remember the last time. My 7 year old still has the occasional spanking but there are really so many more useful options for training her now...losing freedoms or privileges hurt her far more at her age than a spanking!!!
I am so thankful that I had that tool available when they were younger and that I learned to do it with love and compassion. I am also thankful that there are so many other options as they get older that bring repentance and heart change in my them more effectively.
I grew up with the motto spare the rod, spoil the child, and always said I would not ever spank, hit or degrade my children. Well that was not to be. What I would have liked to see on this show was Dr Phil actually tell the parents on this show how they were supposed to deal with a child that constantly defies you. The little girl was totally out of control ( is she a canidate for Brat Camp?) I kept waiting to hear some advice as to handle these situations, it never came. The parents are going to get help for their problems, but what of those of us who can't afford that. What do you do with a child who will go for hours screaming, ranting and raving? |
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May 18, 2008, 9:42 am PDT
Quote From: jamandkim Spanking in our society is done usually as a last resort because parents are frustrated. If we were more consistent with our kids and held ourselves (and then them) to the standard of respect, kindness and honesty, we would have less frustration and more results. Kids DO what they SEE, not what we tell them!!! "Spanking" or chastisement is a useful tool in a toolbox full of options - loss of privileges, reflective time outs, acts of taking personal responsibility, offering restitution, and others - for parents who are actively pursuing the training of their child's heart. It should never be used by a mom or dad who reactively parent in frustration.
"Spanking" is a very private and serious event. To approach the child that God entrusted to your care and responsibility with physical correction MUST be done in love and brokenness with the big picture in mind for the child - training them for the future. It should never happen in public or with a highly emotionally charged parent...then it is just striking out in anger...not correcting the child...this is abuse because it damages the child and the relationship they have with their parent.
I ache for the parents and children alike who are frustrated, wounded and hopeless about their relationships with each other. I grew up in a home with parents who struck out every time they were angry - usually because I made a mistake that embarrassed them or infringed upon their time. By the grace of God, I have learned a different way and my home is full of grace and joy. My children have been spanked when they have committed certain offenses but they are aware of their choices. If I am angry or upset, we wait until everyone is ready for the spanking...including me! I have three children - ages 7, 10, and 11. I haven't spanked my 10 or 11 year old for so long I don't remember the last time. My 7 year old still has the occasional spanking but there are really so many more useful options for training her now...losing freedoms or privileges hurt her far more at her age than a spanking!!!
I am so thankful that I had that tool available when they were younger and that I learned to do it with love and compassion. I am also thankful that there are so many other options as they get older that bring repentance and heart change in my them more effectively.
There are many young chidren who are hopeless and wounded in todays society , it is heartbreaking to know and deal with . There are so many throw away kids , and the parents do not know where they are or even care , for that matter they dont even care enough to file a report saying their son has not come home in weeks literally ,and so these youngens just wind up being their own parent. . Not all people in the world should be parents . For the most part , I know I will never understand how in the world some parents can sleep knowing they dont even know where ot how there teenagers are ,and are so irresponsable they don't even bother to find out . I know of a bright youngen that for the most part is just waiting till he turns 18 so he never has to ever even consider going back home to his substance abusive parents , he has a plan for his future though graduation and becomeing a helicopter pilot we more or less just have taken him in provided and directed him so he can make it in this world .It has been diffacult to rebuild this young mans self esteem and get him to believing in his own self worth again ,and past the trauma of the beatings from his drunken parents . In spite of his past he has a future , a dream and a hope we intend to do everything we can to see him on through graduation . He will be 18 very soon! It is very hard to say the serenity prayer ,and it has got to be the most depressing thing for any child to have to live knowing they really were never wanted cared for or loved by their parents , we have just had to be that for him and he will forever have a safe place and a soft place to fall no matter what . I know he will excell in his future and life ,he has chosen all the right things and for the most part has placed all his former past in the past . I really will be emotional when he is gone off to join the services and go foward with his dreams ,and at the same time really proud of him for never opting out and giveing up and quiting . I just know most people would never excell providing his past circumstances . Yet I know he will . we have all endured prayed together and called on God for his help together , yes there is way to change all bad things that are done to really good kids , the greatest hurdles has been passed ,and hope is the brightness of life ,beaming back in a young mans life who can face the world believing in faith , love hope self worth and a desire to make it .past circumstances said he never would make it . HOPE and LOVE and NEVER GIVEING UP said he always will make it . No his own parents did not make him what he is today , HE DID THAT . All he ever needed was understanding guidance just a lot of help in the right directions , not so hard not so hard at all , it is been a great challenge one I thank God I had the strength courage and perserverance to say YES to . The only serious problems the youngen ever had was all centered around and about fear .He no longer has them anymore here there is no fear and nothing to worry about . I never had a son until God sent me one and as broken as he was , he is not any longer ,and he is not my own I have always leant him to the Lord ,for I know it the Lord who has done such miraculous things and many more to come I have no regrets having taken in a youngen that was just thrown to the mercy of the world and forsaken , for I know he is not forsaken and will not go through this world being forsaken or forgotten or abused and yes Jesus commanded his true mission was for the orphans the widows and the oppressed , I will never regret being obedient to His commandments its the only way to live ,and what a supriseing life it is , I do marvel at the transformation the mystery and the miracles I find peace in knowing I do not regret the greater of my life decisions and no youngen ever has to either no matter how hopeless life may look when I look back I see no matter what horrible deep pit some person is in , they just need some body to stretch forth their hand take hold of theirs and have faith that they can be pulled back up to restoration life and a future thats all in this world that boy needed !! with the help from Jesus it was easy , what I thought I could never manage or do myself , yes the Lord Jesus has done it he just needed a willing vessel to do it through . one of my greatest days was the day I told a youngen a lost boy , just stay awhile and see if life gets better it will , it will just have hope and believe it will |
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