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Replies to 'General Advice'
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October 14, 2005, 12:43 pm PDT
 Quote From: jenoc99 Holy cow, mom! You've got to get over the ex boyfriend ASAP. It sounds like you got attached, and its very sad that the relationship between he and your daughter didn't work out, however... it is her life! What is she supposed to do when she tries to break up with him and he keeps calling... you call it being rude, but to her, she doesn't want to lead him on. It is over between them, no matter how much you pressure her. My biggest peice of advice to you is to stop focusing on the topic of this boyfriend and when you speak with your daughter, ask her about herself, about her day, what she is doing, how she feels, etc. Whatever hobbies or activities that she has should be what you ask her about and what you focus on. Give up the boyfriend topic- this is none of your business. You might be giving her a subliminal message that she 'needs' to have a boyfriend to be a valuable person.. that isn't what you want a young woman to think. I appreciate your reply. You are right. I did get attached. The subject of her ex-boyfriend doesn't come up on a daily basis. I knew from the get-go that they wouldn't last forever and I'm not trying to get them back together. I had just hoped they could keep the friendship. I did talk to her today and told her that I would no longer bring him up. She did explain all of this to me and I just didn't want to hear it. She did say exactly what you said in that she didn't want to give him hope that they would get back together and that is why she is avoiding him. I realize being in that situation makes it very uncomfortable for her and she shouldn't have to be uncomfortable. I am seeing the light. I told her it was her decision and that I have to accept that. I told her that it probably is the right thing to do right now because he still cares about her. I also told him that I am stepping out of what happens between the two of them. We do talk about her day & her friends etc. We have a pretty good relationship, but I know I let my concern over this boys well-being interfere in our relationship and I can't do that. I don't think I'm giving her the message that she needs someone to be valuable. I actually think I'm trying to tell her the opposite. I tried to tell her back then that she should be doing more with her friends instead of sitting in the house and focusing on just her boyfriend. But she wasn't hearing me. This was a boy that she was "so in love with", went on birth control, was her first love and then she dumped him shortly after like he had no meaning in her life. That is what I don't understand. One month after their breakup, she told me she is dating another boy. I don't want her getting involved in the same sort of situation. I want her to enjoy her freedom, go out with her friends, have fun, do good in school and not worry about boys. I don't want her to jump in the same sort of situation. I am very uneasy that she is dating someone else so soon knowing that she was sexually active with her ex-boyfriend. I don't want her to be the same way with this new boy. I know I know... it's life. It happens. I understand that it is her life, but she's 16. I just don't know what to think or do. |
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