Replies to 'Online Dating'

Iceman5 gives some very good advice on being honest and meet as soon as possible.  I met a man in a chat room four years ago.  He lived in the midwest at the time and I live on the East Coast.  Very soon afterwards, when I felt comfortable, we talked over the phone.  In fact, we talked via computer EVERY night and by phone afterwards at least 3-4 times per week.  Nine months into the on-line and telephone relationship, we met in Kansas City for a long weekend and, by that time, I thought he was the love of my life!  We got together over the holidays when he visited my home and spent almost 2 weeks there.  We talked about everything ... our lives, our children, our work, etc. -- I believed that I knew him as well as anyone in his past had and I thought he felt the same.  He applied for work here in PA, got a job locally and moved -- lock, stock and barrel -- into my home.  Things were great for about a year (or at least close to a year).  Then I began to notice that his moods were dependent upon his alcohol intake -- that is to say that when he would come home from work and have a drink or two (or three), he was a very sociable, funny and entertaining person.  On those nights that he didn't have a drink, he barely said 10 words all evening!  He also became more interested in "talking" to his multitude of female buddies on the computer every evening (one in particular used to call the house frequently, but almost always when I wasn't home and in the wee hours of the morning!).  Time spent together was almost non-existent and I found myself doing things either alone or with my almost teenage daughter who freqently reminded me that their relationship was much less than "warm and fuzzy" as well.  It became quite evident that I really didn't know this person at all!!  Circumstances with his father's health at the time precluded kicking his butt out immediately, but fortunately for me, I was able to escape relatively unscathed (except for wasting nearly 3.5 years of my life!).  Things worked out well for me in the long-run, but I would think long and hard before repeating this mistake. 

Sorry for the long story, but my point is this -- you can't really get to know someone without personal, face-to-face contact.  Because you don't know the circumstances of the other person's physical atmosphere at the time (i.e., are they relaxed, stressed, drinking, etc.), you can't begin to know if that person is sincere.  Personal contact just means so much in the long run!  Do the face-to-face meeting before you are able to develop an opinion of the other person.  Do it before you make that person out to be whom YOU want them to be and not who they REALLY are! 

I've tried on-line dating services over the past 6 months and have met a few nice people, but no one yet that has really rung my bell.  I suppose I've resigned myself to not becoming totally absorbed in searching ... what happens, happens!