Replies to 'Pre-school'
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June 10, 2008, 7:23 pm PDT
 Quote From: bigmommakait I need to know what is normal. I have a 4 yr old son and he just started preschool the day after memorial day. It has been a week and a half. He previously went to an in home daycare but will be turning four in July so I wanted to start preschool. I have worked full time for his entire life so he has had to be in some sort of daycare. BUT ever since full time preschool he has been a wreck. The first day he cried and clung to me, I had to push him into the door and run out of the room. I got there an HOUR early walked him around the room, introduced him to the teacher, the other kids, played at the centers with him. I REALLY tried to ease him into this brand new situation. The next day the same scenario and so on. The teachers kept telling me this was normal, but tonight when I picked him up the teacher pulled me aside. I asked her how the day went and with exhaustion in her eyes she said Kate I have to tell you it wasnt good. There is a window seat with a HUGE window looking out to the parking lot that the kids can wave good bye to mom and dad and see when they arrive at night to pick them up. Apparently my child has been sitting in that window for 10 days straight 8 hours a day crying for his mom and dad. She told me that she has tried everything to get him to engage with the other kids and he outright REFUSES to do so. "I cant make friends, I cant play on the playground because I will get hurt," (playing at the park is something he enjoys with us and has since he was able to walk) "I have to sit by the window" " my mom will come get me". This apparently goes on all day long. With uncontrollable crying spells in between. I am at a loss. The second we get home and are done eating dinner it starts. " I cant go to school tomorrow, you dont have to go to work, I dont want to make friends, I dont want to play." He used to be a great sleeper now he gets up from bed several times repeating how much he hates school. Today when I picked him up he had chewed his nail off to the point of a bloody mess. I need advise on what to do. Does he have anxiety issues or is this part of the separation process? Any thoughts? Wow, what a tough situation as a mom - broke my heart reading about it! My daughter is currently four and will be turning 5 in Aug. She completed this past year of pre-school. I work 3.5 days a week and when I am at work my kids are either with their grandma or dad. So my daughter had never been away from family until I took her to pre-school. I am glad I did but it was hard for both of us in the beginning. I am not a professional in this area but I would think that your sons behavior is a bit extreme since it is continuing and not improving. My daughter would cry in the morning that she didn't want to go to school and when we got there more tears and clinging to me. After the 2nd week she was over it and everyday became more comfortable and confident. I had to be careful not to feed into her fears or let her know how sad it made me to see her upset. After Christmas and Spring Break we started all over with crying but she got over it. By the end of the school year she would kiss me good-bye and take off with her friends and at the end of the day was sad to leave. I think your son may be having a hard time and needs some new coping mechanisms. Perhaps you should speak with his teacher outside of school hours or a counselor that could give you ideas to help him find a new way to deal with his anxiety besides sitting at the window and crying. Continue to encourage him to make one friend and praise him for the small steps he takes to towards independence. It is ok if he choses to play alone - some kids personalities are not as social as others. The goal would be to each day make progress toward him participating and not crying. He will come around. Is there any other major life changes happening for him right now? |
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