Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'
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June 8, 2008, 12:42 pm PDT
 Quote From: roaringredhead I'm going to be honest here. I'm more afraid of older children abusing younger children. I've worked in the childcare industry for only four years, and I've already seen some pretty inappropriate things. The first week I worked in a daycare, we had to discharge a 3 year-old boy for trying to touch another 3 year-old girl inappropriately. He was a very sexual child. We never suspected sexual abuse, simply because the managment knew this couple. They were very liberal parents. The kids slept in the same bed still, and they certainly didn't mind expressing their love infront of the kids.
My daughter still sleeps in our bedroom. She's going on 5. Clearly, I am on the co-habitat side of the debate. The only difference is, she has her own bed, and we have another bedroom for private things. We would never do anything sexual in front of her, even if she was asleep. I mean, what if she woke up?
McDonalds play tunnels are a nightmare for me. On two seperate occassions, I've caught 2 older boys trying to touch, or corner my daughter. I wrote McDonalds corp. and requested that cameras be placed in the tunnels. I actually screamed at one of the boys. I was upset....I was very upset. I noticed that he was cornering my daughter. He was very possessive over her, and didn't want her playing with the other children. I caught him looking to see if I was watching, so he could touch her. I totally lost it when I saw him grab her arm and try to drag her into the tunnels. I looked right at his grandmother and said, "My daughter doesn't like to be touched like that! That is inapproapriate!" He wouldn't let go of my daughter, so I looked at him, (since his Grandmother did nothing), and said, LET GO OF HER! NOW!" He stood by our table while I cleaned up. He didn't apologize. He didn't say a word to me. He just stared at my daughter. He would whisper to her, "Come with me. Come into the tunnel with me. Play with me." I knelt down and looked into his eyes and whispered, "No, she won't go with you. You shouldn't do that to little girls." He knew what I meant. He was embarrassed. His face turned red, and he walked away to find another little girl, I suppose. I doubt that one conversation changed his ways. Of course, his grandmother was staring out into space. She could care less. I don't blame you for being upset, especially when the grandmother of one young boy seemed not to care what was going on. This type of attitude sends the wrong message to the youngster and sets him up for some punishment at school if he is not talked to before then. She may have been embarrassed or at a loss to know what to do, or thought it was the place of her daughter or son to discipline their child. Or maybe she has been the victim of abuse in her life and "froze". Whatever the case, it was wrong of her to not deal with the situation. Did you talk to your daughter about why you were upset with the young boy? Kids can get a mistaken idea of fault from something like this. You could tell her that maybe the boy has no sisters and wants to know what the difference between boys and girls is, but it's not up to her to show him. It's up to his parents. Around age 6 children get a rush of hormones that will subside again, then come back in puberty. It is around this age that you tend to see the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" games. It is more about curiosity than anything at this age, but there could be aggressive behavior if a child has been exposed to the sexual behavior of adults, either first hand or seeing adult films or adults engaging in sexual activities. It's important that your daughter know she did nothing wrong and did not provoke it. Be sure to let her know that its OK to be curious, but that you can explain and show her things better than another curious child can. Your daughter is lucky to have you looking out for her, I worry about the poor boys you mentioned. |
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June 14, 2008, 12:38 am PDT
Quote From: roaringredhead I'm going to be honest here. I'm more afraid of older children abusing younger children. I've worked in the childcare industry for only four years, and I've already seen some pretty inappropriate things. The first week I worked in a daycare, we had to discharge a 3 year-old boy for trying to touch another 3 year-old girl inappropriately. He was a very sexual child. We never suspected sexual abuse, simply because the managment knew this couple. They were very liberal parents. The kids slept in the same bed still, and they certainly didn't mind expressing their love infront of the kids.
My daughter still sleeps in our bedroom. She's going on 5. Clearly, I am on the co-habitat side of the debate. The only difference is, she has her own bed, and we have another bedroom for private things. We would never do anything sexual in front of her, even if she was asleep. I mean, what if she woke up?
McDonalds play tunnels are a nightmare for me. On two seperate occassions, I've caught 2 older boys trying to touch, or corner my daughter. I wrote McDonalds corp. and requested that cameras be placed in the tunnels. I actually screamed at one of the boys. I was upset....I was very upset. I noticed that he was cornering my daughter. He was very possessive over her, and didn't want her playing with the other children. I caught him looking to see if I was watching, so he could touch her. I totally lost it when I saw him grab her arm and try to drag her into the tunnels. I looked right at his grandmother and said, "My daughter doesn't like to be touched like that! That is inapproapriate!" He wouldn't let go of my daughter, so I looked at him, (since his Grandmother did nothing), and said, LET GO OF HER! NOW!" He stood by our table while I cleaned up. He didn't apologize. He didn't say a word to me. He just stared at my daughter. He would whisper to her, "Come with me. Come into the tunnel with me. Play with me." I knelt down and looked into his eyes and whispered, "No, she won't go with you. You shouldn't do that to little girls." He knew what I meant. He was embarrassed. His face turned red, and he walked away to find another little girl, I suppose. I doubt that one conversation changed his ways. Of course, his grandmother was staring out into space. She could care less. Prevention is better than cure'
when it comes to these issues th at are of utmost importance to parents & I agree, this is most important. The rest of the community try to help but in Australia, for example, anyone under a certain age can't be prosecuted. Noobody wins. Laws would have to be greatly modified to persecute minors to stop re-affending. The social-system has been worked to the ground, how would it cope? Most in Australia would stop things like that if given the opportunity and neighbour-hood watch is great.
But there are people who can be in other ways, that may just help the more difficult issues as preventative measures. ie. Say if all teachers were councelled for a month for any issues in their own childhood. This would be one of many preventative measure against mild to severe child-abuse because everyone takes responsibility. The key, that councellers could do with opportunities to see the benefits of their work. A win-win situation. Self-indulgence is one of the many problems. Lack of initiatives is another.
It really gets at me, because most parents etc. do the right thing by their kids. And those who don't, tie up the social justice for generations. But if big companies like McDonalds cared about kids, they should look at their own back door rather than far-way. That's a very good idea. Things like security & surveillance, after all they make billions out of families. |
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