Quote From: ritehereI don't blame you for being upset, especially when the grandmother of one young boy seemed not to care what was going on. This type of attitude sends the wrong message to the youngster and sets him up for some punishment at school if he is not talked to before then. She may have been embarrassed or at a loss to know what to do, or thought it was the place of her daughter or son to discipline their child. Or maybe she has been the victim of abuse in her life and "froze". Whatever the case, it was wrong of her to not deal with the situation.
Did you talk to your daughter about why you were upset with the young boy? Kids can get a mistaken idea of fault from something like this. You could tell her that maybe the boy has no sisters and wants to know what the difference between boys and girls is, but it's not up to her to show him. It's up to his parents.
Around age 6 children get a rush of hormones that will subside again, then come back in puberty. It is around this age that you tend to see the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" games. It is more about curiosity than anything at this age, but there could be aggressive behavior if a child has been exposed to the sexual behavior of adults, either first hand or seeing adult films or adults engaging in sexual activities.
It's important that your daughter know she did nothing wrong and did not provoke it. Be sure to let her know that its OK to be curious, but that you can explain and show her things better than another curious child can.
Your daughter is lucky to have you looking out for her, I worry about the poor boys you mentioned.
I'm right there with you.
Yes, I did explain to my baby that it wasn't her fault. I aim to give my daughter a healthy self image and a knowledge that her body is beautiful. I also have pointed out private parts already, and explained why they are private. She's only 4, but she will tell another child to not touch her butt. She says, "Please, do not touch my butt." I can't help but laugh inside.
But, that situation at the fast food play area...well, it was so different. Every little warning sensor went off inside me. I try to follow my gut in those situations. Whether I'm wrong or right doesn't matter. The safety of my little girl is the most important thing. Both times I tried to not make too much of a scene. For my daughter, I did my best to make it a smooth transition from play time to clean-up time. When I told the boy in question, "Don't touch my daughter," I'm sure only the boy, my daughter, the grandmother and myself could hear. I really wasn't going for the public embarrasment thing. I was just trying to get the other adult to acknowledge my feelings on what was actually happening, and it certainly wasn't child's play. When the boy wouldn't let up, I made a point to whisper to him. My daughter couldn't hear us.
Do I think my daughter knew the boy was being inappropriate? Yep! She sure didn't want to go in those tunnels with him. In fact, she asked for my help to get the boy off her arm. I'm sure her internal sensors were going off too. For a second I saw fear in her eyes when he wouldn't let go of her. That's when I stood from my chair and took charge. I knew that she knew, and she didn't know how to deal with the situation.
Dr. Phil has made a point to discuss the possibility of children molesting younger children. We all know that children experiment. As you wrote, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." But, when there is a noticable age difference, then I think we should question what is experimentation and what is simply inappropriate.
