I am SO sorry for your loss! I can't even begin to understand why these things happen. It must be a complete nightmare for you and your family! I lost my daughter to a car accident when she was 14 on November 8, 2003, so I can relate to the devastation of losing a child.
Each person will travel through their journey at their pace. This is all determined by what has influenced them to that point in their life, affected by the trials and tribulations we have already suffered and the happiness and joy that we have found in life. How each one of us deals with grief is our own. It is something that we can't do alone, but something that comes from inside of us. I know there are days where you just want the world to stop, I know I did. Days where it hurts to breath, to think, to feel. Anger is a HUGE part of all this and probably the worst step for most. No parent should have to bury their child, for whatever reason! We all know that death is a part of life, but how can we as parents justify that statement when it is our child that was taken before us? Each one of us has a different answer, each one of us has to find our path again, BUT that does not mean we go alone. Along the road we bump into other parents that share similiar stories, we bond with them; we may com across someone that needs help that we can provide and in turn that helps us with our travel. Learnig to forgive is another process of grief. Whether it's forgiving ourselves, our child, people involved in their death, but I think it is the most healing of all steps of grief. You made the comment, "So I feel my life is on hold," So many parents that have lost a child feels this way at one point or another and it is an indication that they are "stuck" in their grief. Have you thought about grief counseling? I would look for someone who specializes in the loss of a child, because our grief is SO different. I would also look to your local hospice chapter, they have numerous resources available to them that they can pass along to you.
How are the children doing? Do they remember anything? How is your husband doing?
My heart goes out to you and your family! I will hold you close and pray for peace.
HUGS~ Debra
