Quote From: marcia52Linda, I know exactly what you mean -- I'm still experiencing a lot of resistance about working part-time. I don't want to give up my free time. It's more about me learning to work thru my feelings and thoughts as I continue to work. Like I walked out of work last week with no work and felt scared. WHAT IF he doesn't have anything else for me to do ... then my sister ended up in the hospital Friday night. I saw her Saturday night and then spent the day at Akron City Hospital - about an hour away waiting for her cauterization to be completed. She's doing fine - it's a direct result of her uncontrolled diabetes. Only she can do something and if she chooses not to, I have to allow it. (don't want to -- but I will allow it)
Anyway, I want to get a bike as well -- I figure I'll ride it in my back yard so if I fall, I can fall on the ground and not on a sidewalk or street. You got to keep us posted on how you do.
The reason I wanted to relate that little episode is because it was a good example of how our minds work. It's become second nature for me to bring awareness to certain mental and physical triggers, I was wondering if anybody else can relate?
Let me describe the event so you can compare for yourself:
We were out visiting garage sales in our new neighborhood when I found a bicycle that I really wanted at a price that I can afford at the moment. I was excited about taking it out all during the trip to the store to get new inner tubes. As hubby was inserting the tubes, he made the comment that I should go put on some shorts so as not to catch my pants legs in the chain while riding.
In that very instant my whole mood changed, and I didn't want to ride anymore because I've gained some weight and didn't want to be seen in shorts. Now, that part is only the logical thoughts and has been dealt with. What is interesting is that for the first time I stood back and "observed" the whole process taking place within my head. The very first thing that happened was that as soon as my husband said I should go change into shorts, I had a weird physical reaction- it was as if the lights had dimmed and I developed a narrowed field of vision for a couple of seconds. Then came the feeling of sadness and loss as I began telling myself all kinds of "reasons" why I shouldn't ride my new bike. And I slowed down the "tapes" and listened to every one of them: you'll look silly, it's been so long, you don't remember how, you'll hurt yourself, etc......
I sat down and asked the questions taught in SELF MATTERS and put them all to rest. Yes, it's been a very long time, and I should be careful because the risk of injury is there. As to the other concerns- WHO CARES! No doubt some people already think I'm silly-looking without the bike and there's nothing I can do to change their minds. All I need is the bike and a stretch of relatively quiet road and I'll have a great time.
Have any of you ever experienced physical triggers when an abrupt change in thinking is taking place? After noticing it, I realize this has been the precursor to a shift in mood for me in the past as well. I think it's important to recognize these subtle changes. In the past, I would have blamed it on what my husband said, telling myself that he was critical and unsympathetic or something.
It's not him, it's what I tell myself about what he says.
