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June 11, 2008, 5:27 pm PDT
Negotiation in past - unsuccessful
Quote From: ritehereHave you tried negotiation, as in "if we have sex, are you willing to stop calling other women?"
Make no mistake about it, sex IS highly important in marriage. The only problem is the both of you are using it as a means to punish the other for what is REALLY at the bottom of your troubles.
I'm not sure I agree with the counselor that you should both separate, but I wasn't at the session. If it was very contentious- as you say it was- he may be trying to get you both to cool off and calm down.
Can you accept the fact that you are using sex as a way to get back at your husband for his hurtful actions?
Can he accept the fact that he is using lack of sex as the excuse for his actions that are hurting you?
So, I say again, be completely honest with him, tell him that he makes you sick, not horny, with his behavior. If he is willing to act like a faithful loving husband again, you will certainly try to act like a loving wife. We had a lot of issues before SEX or the phone calls. My H is very immature and short sighted. During our last counselling attempt, the morning after sex, he walked off while i was in mid-sentence saying he got what he wanted. Two nights ago our A/C broke and we all slept in the guest room with the window unit. The second day, he asked me to sleep on the floor as he was not getting any action. Ofcourse i was annoyed at his immaturity and shared with him my opinion of him. He makes it worse by saying he was trying to teach me a lesson.
How do i negotiate with somebody about playing/talking to their own kids? How i make him keep promises he makes to his kids let alone me. I start back work in 2 weeks. The kids are home for this time before they go back to summer camp/day care. He does not come home until 7 every day. And he works for a fortune 10 company.
The kids and i are a prop for him. We being home just ensures that he does not come to an empty house. It hurts me that the only thing he wants is SEX. He will not touch me unless we are having sex. In 10 yrs of marriage, the only time he said I love u is during sex. :( The more i think about this, the more hopeless it feels. He comes from a family of high achievers who are very distant and very savvy about money. I should have seen the signs. :(
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