Quote From: svm123We had a lot of issues before SEX or the phone calls. My H is very immature and short sighted. During our last counselling attempt, the morning after sex, he walked off while i was in mid-sentence saying he got what he wanted. Two nights ago our A/C broke and we all slept in the guest room with the window unit. The second day, he asked me to sleep on the floor as he was not getting any action. Ofcourse i was annoyed at his immaturity and shared with him my opinion of him. He makes it worse by saying he was trying to teach me a lesson.
How do i negotiate with somebody about playing/talking to their own kids? How i make him keep promises he makes to his kids let alone me. I start back work in 2 weeks. The kids are home for this time before they go back to summer camp/day care. He does not come home until 7 every day. And he works for a fortune 10 company.
The kids and i are a prop for him. We being home just ensures that he does not come to an empty house. It hurts me that the only thing he wants is SEX. He will not touch me unless we are having sex. In 10 yrs of marriage, the only time he said I love u is during sex. :( The more i think about this, the more hopeless it feels. He comes from a family of high achievers who are very distant and very savvy about money. I should have seen the signs. :(
Listen, before you go reading negativity into everything about him, think back to why you married him. Surely there's some redeeming and endearing qualities there since you agreed to marry him, aren't there? I mean, we don't get married to people that bore us or that we can't stand.
I truly believe that we come together to learn things from each other, and you two haven't learned whatever it is you're together to learn.
Consider this: he called up this old friend of his and gave her a verbatim message that you wanted him to give her. That tells me that he really doesn't like what he is doing, and is willing to do what you want to get things back on track. Also you said that he thinks counseling is "baloney" and will make him look bad. (I'm going to assume that he told you this, that's why you used those words.) Yet, he went with you to a session. I know at the moment you are ready to walk out on him, but his actions sound like a sincere cry for help to me.
You said that he doesn't want a divorce because "it would upset his parents." This was quite a statement for a grown man to make, especially one with children. I think it may be part of why he is afraid of counseling. If he is afraid somebody else might make him look bad, it's a good bet that he already thinks he's bad deep down.
I don't know if he needs help more than you do, I don't know either one of you. You at least have the right attitude, realizing that you don't have the answers but that the answers are out there. If you coud find it within you to detach from your emotions and explain to him that counseling will help you BOTH see what you've BOTH been doing to contribute to the mess, and where to go from here. Rarely is it all the fault of one. I think you realize that, but your husband seems to think he will be singled out for "fixng."
This other woman is giving him a sympathetic ear at the moment, I know it galls, but maybe that's what he needs from you?
