Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

My estranged husband and in the process of a divorce. Today, he informed me that he and the children are one family and that the children and I are another family. He doesn't want to spend any time with me , because he is not comfortable, therefore precluding the four of us spending time together as a family.

I disagreed with him, stating that we may be an estranged, divorcing family but that he is still the father, I am still the mother and we are still the parents.  I asked what it would hurt to spend time together as a family and also to show the chldren that we are getting along?  I had suggested that we spend time on father's day, because he deserved to have a nice day.  The children feel that they have a right to be angry with him and they are still working through their feelings and their relationship with their father is strained. I called him because i saw a Dr. Phil show (thus this cry for help) and decided that I needed to be the hero of our family.  I didn't realize it at first, but now I have realized how important it is for me to express to the children that they will respect their father and they will have a relationship with him. They need their father in their life.

But his current edict makes it hard for me to try to normalize relationships.  i want to tell him that if we keep everything separate then the children would have to choose between us and that is sooo wrong. Our son's BDay is four days after Father's Day -- so I will invite him to the party.  However he sees this type of gesture and my other gestures of kindness as displays of affection (as he told the counselor).  I really want to give up!  If I am kind, then I am ..... If I don't do something he expects, then he says I am trying to hurt him. There is a third party involved with him and I am wondering how much that is contaminating the situation. Neverheless he is the boss of his behavior as I am of mine. I am just going to try to keep my head about me and do the right thing and just keep being the person I like myself being. But if you can offer any advice or encouragement that will help me so that things can get better for the children, please do!