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June 18, 2008, 2:09 pm PDT
Boyfriend's rule
Quote From: blondeyyy I have been living with David for 5 years. He has CHANGED over the last 2 years. I am usually always dressed up - with pantyhose, high heels, cute dresses, etc., but it has gotten to the point over time that I MUST dress like this every night for HIM. The sluttier the dress the better. I do always looking my best, but sometimes a girl just wants to veg out in her p.j.'s, do her toenails, and just be a girl. I can't do this. Every night it is like an unwritten rule that I provide this "performance". If I don't wear hose, heels and a short skirt, then there is a temper tantrum. He says "I do everything for you! I give you everything you want and this is how you treat me?!" And then there is arguing. I feel guilty. I have been getting severely depressed to the point where I am always having panic attacks and have gone through so much Xanax and Ativan, etc., that my doctor won't give me any more. I truly need some help. I don't have any family to go to or friends..... I feel soooooo alone. David has too much control over your personal power. You should be able to live a happy and comfortable life, and if that means wearing pj’s sometimes or painting toenails once in awhile, then that is what you should do! David’s going to have a tantrum, you already know that. His behavior is predictable. Think about what will happen tonight if you don’t dress up. You can probably predict exactly what he will say and then, exactly what you will say. My advice to you is to change this script. Instead of staying in this toxic, unhealthy pattern, tonight, respond to his tantrum in a different way. You have no power to change the way that he is, but you can change the way that you respond to his words and actions. You can and should refuse to engage in the argument that you know will happen. He is going to attempt to make you feel badly, so again, be ready. Ask yourself this: why am I allowing this man to control the way that I live in my own home? Why is his happiness more important then my happiness? Answer these questions honestly. Do you allow him to treat you badly because you feel that is what you deserve? I don’t know you, but I do know that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. That is simple common courtesy, especially to the person you love.
Xanax and Ativan are not the answers for you. If you feel the need to turn to prescription drugs so that you can live peacefully with someone, then there is a huge problem and no amount of medication will cure it. The cure is space apart. The cure is conversation, not arguing; compromise, not dominate.
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