Quote From: blgspc
When I read your post I found it interesting that you had the response after your husband suggested that you don some shorts and take a ride.
The first thing that I thought of-this also has nothing to do with the other person but your perception of what their message might mean.
I said that because I have been in situations where someone has made a suggestion and I did EXACTLY what you were describing, making excuses etc., when actually, on some level I felt that perhaps that individual was trying to dictate to me. In these situations, I can almost immediately determine intent. And, almost always it has to do with my desire to be free. And, in most situations- that DO NOT involve a first degree relative- I can see that the suggestion is just a suggestion. It has nothing to do with them, as you pointed out but with your own process. My reaction is directly linked to my own history of having been either actively or passively controlled by someone else through emotional blackmail, or just someone wishing to control my life and my choices.
Thats me, though.
Brenda
Funny you should pick up on the potential for a previous trigger, and there is one.
I'm very sensitive to my husband taking an authoritarian or parental role with me. When we first met, I was newly divorced from a disastrous marriage and had an infant son. In short, I wasn't all there. My husband has a strong desire to be needed, and since I was SO needy at the time, we meshed. Unfortunately, what he was getting was NOT the real me, and when I began to heal, he began to try to keep me in that role. We had many marrital issues along the way to discovering the real us and how we wanted to define our relationship.
So, to this day whenever I get a hint that he is ordering me around in some way, I get this reaction. In this case, it was a simple comment by him with absolutely no authoritarian overtones, I just took it wrong.
