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June 21, 2008, 9:46 pm PDT
age
Quote From: parrotflockNo good parent would ever give up on their child, no matter what their age. While you might have to let them make their own mistakes, that doesn't mean you stand aside while they put themselves in physical danger. You sound like someone who doesn't have children to suggest that the family should just give up because she is 18. You say "no matter what age," but I've noticed that most parents seem to have a "cut-off"point in their minds, whether they realize it or not. Those who refuse to let go at 18 or 21 will often do so, "all of a sudden," when their child is 30 or 35 or whatever. Suddenly, the parent who once insisted that "age doesn't matter, "is saying, "I can't tell him/her what to do -- he's/she's a grown man/woman now!" Sometimes this change coincides with when the son or daughter stopsliving at home, but not always.
Don't get me wrong. I know that this is a very serious situation. And I get what you mean about the difference between letting adult children "make their own mistakes" and standing by when they "put themselves in physical danger." But isn't that the same issue families face when a son or daughter decides, say, to join the army? Or to go into some sort offoreing service in a troubled country?
I don't blame this family for trying to ger Katherine out of this situation. But at some point, they may have to accept that she's a legal adult -- even if they don't see 18 as "adult"-- and has a right to make this choice, even though it may be a mistake. It's not so much a matter of "giving up" as it is of accepting reality.
I don't know if that time has come yet. Obviously, Dr. Phil doesn't think so. But it may eventually.
All this also brings us to the question of when someone becomes an adult? The law says 18, but Dr. Phil -- and many others say 18 is still "a child." Then again, such "children" are allowed to vote, choose to smoke, and endanger their lives fighting for their country. How do we make sense of this?
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