Replies to '08/20 Sister-in-Law from Hell'
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August 19, 2008, 10:56 pm PDT
 Quote From: kbm2008 I don't know if anyone even reads this board anymore or not, but I thought I would check to see if there were any new messages since I last checked.
I have reached out to my husband's family. Everytime they've seen my child, it's been our doing (mostly mine.) Even my husband could not think of one specific time they asked to see us or him (the baby). It's always us going to see them.
And, as far as birthday parties etc... I'm done with that whole deal too. They WERE invited to his first birthday party (the only one he's had). My MIL and FIL came. They left early as we were opening gifts. Because my sister-in-law (Greg's ex-wife) was there, standing near me, they were going to leave without even saying goodbye to me OR the baby. Now, you tell me, who's being childish??? I didn't ask them to love on my sister in law and pretend they were best friends. But seriously??? You can't just say goodbye to your grandson and ignore her? Besides, Greg was the one who made her a member of the family, not us. So, now we like her and because HE doesn't want to be with her anymore means we can't either? That's just plain stupid! Besides, Lynn, the MIL, ought to know better! One of her best friends is her brother's ex-wife!
I appreciate that you don't care about me or my husband, and I agree, it would be lovely if my son could have a relationship with his grandparents, but not if they are going to act like a bunch of dysfunctional, messed up people! I mean, where do you draw the line? Does he deserve to have a relationship with them if they are career criminals? What if they are child molesters? What if they are clinically, psychologically disturbed? People have different opinions on what is and is not acceptable. We have made our decision on what is acceptable for our child to be exposed to and if they cannot abide by our guidelines, that is their decision. Also, they don't seem to interested in seeing him anyway. They make it a point to leave gifts for him on our front door at midnight in an effort to avoid seeing me. I even said they were more than welcome to make arrangements with my husband to see the baby. That was back in March and we've never heard from them since. You can only have so much sympathy for people who want to sit back, fell sorry for themselves, and play the woe is me game! Well, your in-laws can not control who you choose to be friends with. It would e pretty silly for them to tell you, you couldn't befriends with her because she and their son are divorced. On the other hand, I'm sure it wasn't easy for them seeing their ex-DIL at their grandson's b-day party. Even if she is/was his aunt, she's no longer a part of the family. You can be friends with whom you choose but I feel you acted strictly out of spite inviting her to the party knowing she and your BIL were no longer married and her presence was not desired. Pretty low if you ask me. I'm sure Lynn did stay friends with her ex-SIL but does she invite her to family functions to smear it in everyone's face or do they just do lunch ever so often to catch up on things? Have a little consideration in that aspect. |
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August 21, 2008, 10:52 am PDT
Quote From: kbm2008 I don't know if anyone even reads this board anymore or not, but I thought I would check to see if there were any new messages since I last checked.
I have reached out to my husband's family. Everytime they've seen my child, it's been our doing (mostly mine.) Even my husband could not think of one specific time they asked to see us or him (the baby). It's always us going to see them.
And, as far as birthday parties etc... I'm done with that whole deal too. They WERE invited to his first birthday party (the only one he's had). My MIL and FIL came. They left early as we were opening gifts. Because my sister-in-law (Greg's ex-wife) was there, standing near me, they were going to leave without even saying goodbye to me OR the baby. Now, you tell me, who's being childish??? I didn't ask them to love on my sister in law and pretend they were best friends. But seriously??? You can't just say goodbye to your grandson and ignore her? Besides, Greg was the one who made her a member of the family, not us. So, now we like her and because HE doesn't want to be with her anymore means we can't either? That's just plain stupid! Besides, Lynn, the MIL, ought to know better! One of her best friends is her brother's ex-wife!
I appreciate that you don't care about me or my husband, and I agree, it would be lovely if my son could have a relationship with his grandparents, but not if they are going to act like a bunch of dysfunctional, messed up people! I mean, where do you draw the line? Does he deserve to have a relationship with them if they are career criminals? What if they are child molesters? What if they are clinically, psychologically disturbed? People have different opinions on what is and is not acceptable. We have made our decision on what is acceptable for our child to be exposed to and if they cannot abide by our guidelines, that is their decision. Also, they don't seem to interested in seeing him anyway. They make it a point to leave gifts for him on our front door at midnight in an effort to avoid seeing me. I even said they were more than welcome to make arrangements with my husband to see the baby. That was back in March and we've never heard from them since. You can only have so much sympathy for people who want to sit back, fell sorry for themselves, and play the woe is me game! Kelly, you remind me so much of my sister. In brief, my sister is my sister and I would do anything for her because she is my sister, but she sure loves to stir the pot. She's very good at it too. Its amazing watching her set someone up and then sitting back and watching the fireworks. Most of the time you don't realize she is setting you up until the its late. Of course she comes off as little miss innocent. Those of us in the family that have seen her in action or been victims of her little games have learned not to give her any ammunition or take the bait.
It took many years for some family members to see this trait in my sister. Those of us who know what she is really can be like (at times) have learned how to handle the problem without creating any conflict for us or her. We also know that my sister has a wonderful side to her.
Here is the problem with your little story here. You invite your in laws to your son's birthday party. That's great, it looks like your willing to extend the olive branch here so to speak. BUT the fact is you set the situation up for their failure by inviting Greg's ex-wife. You know they have issues with her, she has been a bone of contention in that family, but still you invite her. So when they want to leave without saying "goodbye" to you or the baby because they are uncomfortable or have issues with the ex-sister-in-law's presence, they're the ones with the problem???? Perfect setup Kelly. You know how to push their buttons and subtly set things up so they will react in a certain way.
About your relationship with your ex-sister-in-law: True you can be friends with who you want and there is nothing wrong with being friends with her. Your MIL may be best friends with her own ex-sister-in law but does that really justify setting them up by inviting them to your son's birthday party along with their ex-daughter-in-law who they have issues with.
Certainly your in-laws are far from perfect. They seem to have many issues themselves. They certainly let you push their buttons and you happily oblige them. There are many things you do just to antagonize them. You do those things knowing what their reaction is going to be. Your in-laws are wrong in the way they react to your "bait". Your wrong to keep "baiting" them. You play your in-laws very well Kelly.
Neither side in this conflict is innocent. Both you and your in-laws are at fault in this situation. Too bad that there are never no 'winners' in this setup.
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