Replies to 'Cheated On'

I read through your previous posts and I'm wondering what exactly is your husband doing alone or with you to help him recover from this affair?  I realize he no longer trusts therapists but it seems that this problem is too big for him to handle alone as he is not making any sort of headway trying to heal on his own.  Not all of us are equipped to handle marital issues which is why there are so many counselors out there! 

I understand he is afraid of taking a risk with you, afraid of being vulnerable and loving you again because he may get his heart broken again but what he's doing isn't working either for you and for him.  It seems that he has decided that your infidelity is going to be a life sentence.  He will withhold from you what you want the most and will make you live in hell to pay for your sins until...........  Until he decides to divorce you or until you can't take it any longer and decide to leave the marriage.  I completely understand his pain and issues with allowing you back into his life emotionally as he is afraid of getting hurt again but there has to be a point in time where he must be willing to either work on this marriage or let you go.  If he doesn't love you then let him go and move on.  If he isn't willing to do some real hard work on this marriage then you need to decide how much longer you are willing to wait to stay in a stagnant unloving marriage.  You can't fix this on your own, he needs to participate as well and if he is unwilling or unable to do so after all this time then maybe a separation would be in the best interest for the both of you.  What are your thoughts on this?  

I think it was his way of keeping the status quo, not taking any action to change things. I think you may have broken a rule with him that he just can't bring himself to forgive.

Dr Phil says that we do what works for us. This action of your husband's, keeping you in suspense and wondering if things will ever be better, is working for him on some level. Maybe he doesn't like what his life is like now but it's preferable to being vulnerable and getting his heart stepped on again.

Ask yourself this: if he doesn' t love you, what are you doing all this for? After you have confronted this question honestly within yourself, go ask it of him.

Without his love, there can be no marriage, no matter how hard you try. If he has no love he will not be willing to do the work required to move on from this. Isn't it better that you two face up to this now rather than spend another year like the last one?