Quote From: sandy0914I read through your previous posts and I'm wondering what exactly is your husband doing alone or with you to help him recover from this affair? I realize he no longer trusts therapists but it seems that this problem is too big for him to handle alone as he is not making any sort of headway trying to heal on his own. Not all of us are equipped to handle marital issues which is why there are so many counselors out there!
I understand he is afraid of taking a risk with you, afraid of being vulnerable and loving you again because he may get his heart broken again but what he's doing isn't working either for you and for him. It seems that he has decided that your infidelity is going to be a life sentence. He will withhold from you what you want the most and will make you live in hell to pay for your sins until........... Until he decides to divorce you or until you can't take it any longer and decide to leave the marriage. I completely understand his pain and issues with allowing you back into his life emotionally as he is afraid of getting hurt again but there has to be a point in time where he must be willing to either work on this marriage or let you go. If he doesn't love you then let him go and move on. If he isn't willing to do some real hard work on this marriage then you need to decide how much longer you are willing to wait to stay in a stagnant unloving marriage. You can't fix this on your own, he needs to participate as well and if he is unwilling or unable to do so after all this time then maybe a separation would be in the best interest for the both of you. What are your thoughts on this?
I posted in the wrong forum and do hope I didn't bring up bad feelings.:(
I don't why I stay except that maybe I don't believe him when he says he doesn't love me. We have two boys who love us both. Our home believe it or not is pretty peaceful. We dont fight because that would take communication. lol I don't mean to laugh but it does keep me from crying. My husband is a good man who I have put high on a pedastool for 18 years. I am the addict in recovery and I know what my behaviors have done to us both. I understand when he tells me he wants a divorce and then we may be able to work on out marriage. It sounds crazy but in his mind it is the only closure for him and it also makes me pay a price for what I did. He feels if he lets me back into his life then I somehow got away with it. I wish I could tell him how I think of suicide everyday. I think of leaving him a note and telling him this was how much I loved him. Yeah I know that sounds crazy too. I am close to the end but what end it will be I don't know.
This has taken a toll on him probably more than me. I was a selfish person. I wish I knew why I am staying here. I am so scared the kids will hate me. My husband feels they will have the right to know why we divorced.
I keep thinking he will come around. I was told to never quit 5 minutes before a miracle happens.
To sum all this up...I understand why he feels the way he does. I truly do.:(
I have also gone 6 months without drinking and without AA because I cheated with someone in treatment. He was uncomfortable with me going to meetings so I didn't. Tomorrow though I am going to a meeting because I won't last much longer without a drink.
Thanks again for answering to my misplaced post.
