Quote From: sandy0914I read your email exchanges and you're right, it's an awful way to communicate as you two are trying to dissect eachothers words and thoughts and are trying to figure out what the other is thinking A whole lot more could be accomplished by sitting side by side and listening to eachother!
I guess what he's trying to say is that you broke your wedding vows and the promises that you made to eachother. Regardless of how you felt at the time your vows should have been enough to stop you from cheating regardless of how you felt about eachother.
What I'm confused about is if you hadn't cheated on him before - where was the love and communication prior to this infidelity? Did he not trust you or did he pull away from you years ago? And why? You never thought he loved you - but why?
It seems that emotionally you two kinda checked out of this marriage years ago and have been holding on for dear life by a string.
I don't know what he wants from you. I don't know that there is anymore you can do at this point or say anything that you haven't said already to make him feel any differently. He is picking your words apart and is turning them upside down. I understood what you wrote but he interpreted it entirely differently - he's got you running in circles at this point and you guys are getting no where playing word games with eachother.
There are no magic words, you've said all you had to say. You could say them another thousand times but he's not ready to listen or ready to forgive.
I gambled for 10 years of our marriage and one could say that was my affair prior to actually having one. The first 5 years were spent raising a child, building a buisness, and so on. It is so complicated but I could try to simplify it. I fell in love with my husband because he didn't show my much attention. I know that makes no sense to most but it was the only thing I knew. After treatment things changed for me and this is where it got really messed up because I did cheat on him with someone I thought understood what I was going through. I honestly do take all responsibilty for this. I used addiction as an escape from things I didn't want to or know how to deal with. I was basically doing everything I was ever taught. That was normal to me. When I got out of treatment I struggled very hard the first year trying to fit into a world I didn't understand nor like.
See told you it was complicated.:) He trusted me before the gambling. Before the gambling I was either with my son, at home, or at work. I didn't have time to do anything else. He was off doing what he wanted. We were so immature in so many ways. We could go a month without saying two words to each other. I believed in my marriage vows and was determined to stay in it forever. I don't know what changed when I went into treatment. I wish it hadn't though.:(
We didn't communicate well before all this. He shuts down and walks away. I learned how to change the way I communicate and for awhile we did good except he didn't know I had an affair.
I think I will just take a break from it for now and write my way through it.:) Gambling is something I could really use about now but I won't do it. I have to find another way to deal with this.
