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June 21, 2008, 2:09 pm PDT
Very sad
Quote From: krazzicaliI have had a male best friend for more than six years. He knows that I am in love with him. I am ashamed to admit that I ended a 15 year marriage to be with him. We have never slept and remain "best friends". We spend most of our free time together. He has expressed to me that he wanted to be w/ me, in the past. Now we seem to be in a rut and I don't know how to bring the subject to the table for discussion. Most of the time I feel sad. He treats everyone, including his dog better than me. My issue is .......do I forget it all together or just keep our friendship? I don't want to lose my best friend. It sounds like you are in a situation where you have no power/control over what happens. You just know the facts: you have mad love for this man, he doesn’t feel the same way for you. This has been going on for six years; how much longer are you willing to live this way? If you are waiting for him to somehow, magically change the way that he feels, you are tricking yourself. You are probably thinking, ‘if he doesn’t love me at least a little bit, then why does he keep me around?’ the answer is this: because it is convenient for him. You love him more then he loves you, and that gives him all of the power in the relationship. He has the power to make or break your heart, and he knows it- that is a huge ego boost. If your friendship is so valuable to you, so important that you will accept that he treats his dog better then he treats you, then you have a very low opinion of yourself. Why would you accept a person who treats his dog better then you to continue to walk all over your heart?
My advice to you is to disconnect at least a little bit. Instead of spending all of your free time with him, make plans to do something else with someone else or alone - try it at least once or twice. See if that has any effect on the way that he treats you; good or bad. Take your personal power back. Don’t allow him, or anyone else, to have the power to “make” you feel badly about yourself. Do things that you enjoy, things that will give you a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment, because that is the best way to boost your self esteem. Get out and make new friends. I know it isn’t easy! One of the best way to make new friends is to volunteer. Think about things that you enjoy doing; if you love reading, volunteer at the library; if you love animals, volunteer at the animal shelter. These places need volunteers, and you will meet people who are so happy that you are there to help them. (In my experience, instant friendship!) This gives you a pool of friends to choose from, instead of just this one friend who holds all of the power. You need and deserve to experience true, deep happiness in your life. Don’t wait for someone else to deliver it to you; that won’t happen. Take control and go find it for yourself! I wish you the best!
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