Replies to 'Balancing Marriage and Family'
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June 22, 2008, 1:59 pm PDT
 Quote From: sunkissed2685 my husband is spanish. i am white. i'm 23 and a year older than him. we've only been married 6 months. and we didnt know each other very long before we married--yes, stupid, i realize. because he is spanish he says him and his family are really close. which i can understand somewhat. he's not the baby, but they treat him like the baby. his mother babies him completely. when we were dating, they were nice to me. heis sister was a litte weird, but nothing major.
after we got married adn right before, things changed. it's like their whole life revolves around him. and in turn, our life revolves around them! my husband picks them over me! they say crap about me and he doesnt even defend it. when my husband and i get in a fight, he runs away to them and tells them how awful and controlling his wife is caz she doesnt like seeing them every other day and calling them 5 X a day. he eventually comes back but it's like so much of our marital relationship is ruined--whatever happen to the sacred bond in marriage? that loyalty? that privacty? i'm a big beleiver in not sharing your marriage problems with others--esp the people that are the probnlem! or putting down oyur marriage mate to othersw. i'm at the point where i dont even want to be married to him anymore. i think he just wants to go back to being a selfish single mamas boy. he says he loves me and i think he does or he wouldnt be here--but he doesnt act like it. hes not affectionate at all sicne our last fight where he shared all the details of our marriage with his family and his family proceeded to call him up when he came back and curse him out and me out for not leaving each other and staying with them (his mommy and daddy). i cnat take this anymore. help!!!! he seems to like it this way. i cant deal with his family being in my life constantly. when i got married, i expected us to be our own family. i expect to involve them in our lives still, yes, but on a more normal basis and united as a married couple. his familty treats me like i dont exsist, has cussed me out for no reason, his dad is a functioning alcoholic who calls and cusses me out caz my husbands sister didnt like that i told her it hurt my feelings when she purposely ignores me sitting right next to my husband and only invites him to go to a theme park., i thought that was incredibly rude. my husband thinks his family can do no wrong adn only i am wrong. i dont trust my husabnd. i dont feel like hes loyal to me. i feel like our entire relationship is undermined by his other family. and they live across the street! and my husband wont move. he hates change. go figure. HELP!!! The only thing crazier then getting married as quickly as the two of you did would be staying in this relationship! To preserve your self esteem and your sanity, you need to consider your options and make a decision. Your husband has proved to you that this is a pattern- whenever the two of you disagree, he’ll go home and tell his family everything, allowing you to be labeled the villain and him labeled the hero. That is a comfortable pattern for him, he enjoys it; he isn’t going to change. In an ideal world, you should be able to approach your husband and talk about your issues/concerns- but you already know that instead getting results, your husband will just run to his momma. It is understandable that you can’t take this anymore. No one is going to come and save you, and your husband isn’t going to change; it is up to you to make the changes that are necessary. My advice to you is to forgive yourself- you married this man too quickly, that was your mistake, but you had no way of knowing that it would be this way. Don’t waste your time/energy beating yourself up for believing that all would be dreamy; instead, you’ve got to learn from this experience, take this experience with you as you move forward with your life. Yes, it will hurt to divorce and remove yourself from this life, but you know, in your heart of hearts, that it is the right thing to do. I wish you the best! Take care of yourself. |
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June 24, 2008, 7:51 am PDT
Quote From: sunkissed2685 my husband is spanish. i am white. i'm 23 and a year older than him. we've only been married 6 months. and we didnt know each other very long before we married--yes, stupid, i realize. because he is spanish he says him and his family are really close. which i can understand somewhat. he's not the baby, but they treat him like the baby. his mother babies him completely. when we were dating, they were nice to me. heis sister was a litte weird, but nothing major.
after we got married adn right before, things changed. it's like their whole life revolves around him. and in turn, our life revolves around them! my husband picks them over me! they say crap about me and he doesnt even defend it. when my husband and i get in a fight, he runs away to them and tells them how awful and controlling his wife is caz she doesnt like seeing them every other day and calling them 5 X a day. he eventually comes back but it's like so much of our marital relationship is ruined--whatever happen to the sacred bond in marriage? that loyalty? that privacty? i'm a big beleiver in not sharing your marriage problems with others--esp the people that are the probnlem! or putting down oyur marriage mate to othersw. i'm at the point where i dont even want to be married to him anymore. i think he just wants to go back to being a selfish single mamas boy. he says he loves me and i think he does or he wouldnt be here--but he doesnt act like it. hes not affectionate at all sicne our last fight where he shared all the details of our marriage with his family and his family proceeded to call him up when he came back and curse him out and me out for not leaving each other and staying with them (his mommy and daddy). i cnat take this anymore. help!!!! he seems to like it this way. i cant deal with his family being in my life constantly. when i got married, i expected us to be our own family. i expect to involve them in our lives still, yes, but on a more normal basis and united as a married couple. his familty treats me like i dont exsist, has cussed me out for no reason, his dad is a functioning alcoholic who calls and cusses me out caz my husbands sister didnt like that i told her it hurt my feelings when she purposely ignores me sitting right next to my husband and only invites him to go to a theme park., i thought that was incredibly rude. my husband thinks his family can do no wrong adn only i am wrong. i dont trust my husabnd. i dont feel like hes loyal to me. i feel like our entire relationship is undermined by his other family. and they live across the street! and my husband wont move. he hates change. go figure. HELP!!! Sounds like a very difficult start to a relationship - after six months of marriage you should still be honeymooning NOT fighting. Whatever you do, DO NOT bring kids into this. Sorry you are frustrated but you could call it a lesson learned and now you are wiser because of it. |
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