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March 8, 2006, 8:17 am PST
ok.....
Quote From: golden1 I certainly hope you DO get counseling--and soon. There's no telling how much time you have left before your cardiovascular system shuts down. Singer Karen Carpenter had the same problem; she didn't survive her obsession with being the "perfect" size. Anorexia and bulimia killed her--it will eventually kill you too if you don't get help. All I can say is I was there too. I was 130 pounds of muscle and dropped to 98 lbs, 2.5% body fat, and found out I was pregnant. I had to eat in order to keep the pregancy, and after I had my child I had gained 100 lbs. About a year ago, those tendencies started again and I dropped 40 lbs in two months. I hate my body, my looks, everything. There is a way to get over this disease, but you cannot do it by yourself. I had to, bc my son's father would use anything he could against me, so I had to start eating again, on a regular basis. My friend would call me and tell me to eat while I was on the phone with her, and make me talk to her until I got into bed, so she would know I didnt throw up my food. She even practically moved in with me until I was on a pattern again. Eating is NOT to get you fat, it is to survive. If you dont eat, then you will die, case and point. I now wake up in the morning and look in the mirror. I find one thing I love about myself and I start my day. I refuse to keep a scale in the house. I go about my day thinking that if I dont eat during it, then I will not wake up the next day, and who wants to miss out on a day, lifetime, or even a minute of not only their child's life, but their own? Being alive is about using the time we have here wisely. IT is a gift. The best gift you could give yourself is not being rail thin, but being alive. Not killing yourself slowly. When I lost that weight, I finally told my parents taht I hadnt been eating, my mother said, Oh thats ok, honey, you look great! My dad looked me dead in the eyes and said if I didnt start eating again, he was going to take my son away. It woke me up to what was actually going on. If you hate yourself that much, you can make a difference in your body and life with exercise, good eating, and healthy living. I think that is something to look for... If you cant findit, I pray for you because all you are doing is hurting everyone around you. Not just yourself.
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