Replies to '03/24 Moms Money Conflicts'

My husband and I are not poor, but we aren't rich either. We don't have the luxury of taking vacations to exotic destinations, purchasing new vehicles every year, or keeping a full wardrobe updated with the latest fashions. Our recent wedding ceremony was about $3000 for 70+ people, and we thought that was a bit lavish. We do have a sense of class, but we don't let it rule us. Our plans for the future include purchasing a good chunk of land to build a small house on, learning how to garden and preserve our own fruits and veggies, raising enough small livestock to last us each year, and eventually incorporating enough "green" or energy-efficient technology in our living (such as solar energy, composting, etc.) that we won't have to depend on the government for water, septic, energy, or food. No, we aren't end-of-the-world fanatics or paranoid folks. We just can't see ourselves happy with a 3,000 sq. ft., $350,000 home, brand new SUV's, and in debt up to our eyeballs. We're strong believers in working to live, not living to work. We will both work our little butts off until I get my B.A. paid off, we get our land and house (which we plan on staying in for a LONG time) paid off, and we feel like we could survive on one part- or full-time income. Then we will do what we enjoy: entertaining guests and family, gardening, camping, keeping various poultry and goats, enjoying nature, and living a generally laid-back life. What are your goals? 

Other people are different. Some people actually seem to like moving from one expensive and not totally-paid-for house to another. Some people thrive on tropical cruises and European tours. Some people don't mind living paycheck to paycheck, always one or two paydays away from homelessness. Then there are the people that have been so well trained into our materialistic society that they can't see any way out of their debt or current lifestyle, or that they don't really need all the fancy toys and treats they buy to keep themselves happy. I can't leave out, as a final addition to my list, those who lead luxurious lifestyles because their income allows it. Sure we'd all love to have more money, perhaps even be fabulously rich, but for 97% of us it won't ever happen. C'est la vie. 

Learn what kind of person you are. What makes you tick? Do you need a manicure once a week? Can you see yourself working 70+ hours per week? Do you require at least two carats on your person at all times to feel whole? Do you even use those vacation days that you keep collecting? Do you plan on retiring at age 45? Can you feed your family on $20 a week if it comes to it? Do you like to always have the latest clothing, vehicle, technology, and high social status? Do you enjoy providing your own food and entertainment? Would you be happy with used clothing and other items? Do you see yourself staying put or jumping from place to place, job to job? Get to know what you want out of life before you decide to pair up. As Socrates said: Know thyself. Then you can get to know someone else and start blending your lives together.  

It's so sad that so many people are entering into a marriage or partnership without discussing essentials like money, family, labor, and life-goals. These are necessary topics. I can't see how something so huge could be tucked out of mind until after a crisis has reared up.