Message Boards
Replies to '12/26 "I Am Right!"'
|
October 16, 2005, 8:06 am PDT
 Quote From: gemini07 Why do people insist on being right? I would rather be HAPPY then right !!! I have a 20yr. old son who has beeen dating an 18yr. old girl for 5 months and she comes from alcolohic parents ( so the gene is there) who is controlling, drinks excessively , she runs an illegal business makes alot on money for her age, bickers about everything and finds fights in everything daily , has to be right all the time, has OCD and knows nothing about life because she 's only 18 yrs. old and hasn't lived life long enough to be acting this way ? After just dating 2 1/2 months, she freaked my son out and he came to me asking for my advice " Mom, I can't handled her, I'm so unhappy, and frustrated , what do I do?" she's a CONTROL FREAK and she absolutely takies advantage of my good hearted son all the time. My son would never hit a girl, because I've taught him well. and she knows he will never hit her, so she takes it upon hersellf to slap him around and push him around and then has the audacity to say that my son started it. She loves to wrestle, she's a bit of a tom boy , but can;t take the heat! So when she gets a burse or scratch , she spreads false rumors that my son hit her or shoved her. I know this for a fact because they live with me and I'm home alot and have to play refugee . At first I listened alot aand never spoke my two cents, but enough is enough! I told them that when I see someone in the wrong, that I was going to call it to their attention, wheather its my son or a friend or girlfriend. I'm so terrified and sad to see him going through this. Any suggestions About seven years ago I was where your son is now. I was with an abusive alcoholic whom my parents couldn't stand. They were always saying negative things about him to me. You have to be very careful with the way you handle this if you don't want to push your son away and actually drive him closer to her. Here is what would have worked for me: As hard as it is, do your very best to never say anything negative about her as a person. If your son comes to you with advice, tell him honestly (and try as hard as you can not to be critical) specific things you see her doing that aren't right. Let him know that you love him and want him to be happy. Let him know the things you see happening, but DON'T put her down...that will make you look bad and he may think that you just don't want him to be happy. Believe me, there's a good chance it will backfire on you. I know it did for me! In fact, my parents were so adamant about putting down the guy I was with, I ended up marrying him which REALLY turned into a disaster. Let your son know that you support him. Tell him you know he loves her but these are the things you see happening in the relationship. BUT, let him come to you. Let yourself be available to talk to. If he believes you are looking at this objectively and not blinded by your feelings for her, he will listen better. You have to have a nice balance. You CAN'T say nothing at all, but you have to be careful in the way that you do say it once something is said. As much as you don't want to admit it, your son loves her (or thinks he does), otherwise he wouldn't still be putting up with it, so when you put down someone that your loved one loves, they tend to think negatively about you. |
|
|
October 16, 2005, 7:23 pm PDT
Quote From: gemini07 Why do people insist on being right? I would rather be HAPPY then right !!! I have a 20yr. old son who has beeen dating an 18yr. old girl for 5 months and she comes from alcolohic parents ( so the gene is there) who is controlling, drinks excessively , she runs an illegal business makes alot on money for her age, bickers about everything and finds fights in everything daily , has to be right all the time, has OCD and knows nothing about life because she 's only 18 yrs. old and hasn't lived life long enough to be acting this way ? After just dating 2 1/2 months, she freaked my son out and he came to me asking for my advice " Mom, I can't handled her, I'm so unhappy, and frustrated , what do I do?" she's a CONTROL FREAK and she absolutely takies advantage of my good hearted son all the time. My son would never hit a girl, because I've taught him well. and she knows he will never hit her, so she takes it upon hersellf to slap him around and push him around and then has the audacity to say that my son started it. She loves to wrestle, she's a bit of a tom boy , but can;t take the heat! So when she gets a burse or scratch , she spreads false rumors that my son hit her or shoved her. I know this for a fact because they live with me and I'm home alot and have to play refugee . At first I listened alot aand never spoke my two cents, but enough is enough! I told them that when I see someone in the wrong, that I was going to call it to their attention, wheather its my son or a friend or girlfriend. I'm so terrified and sad to see him going through this. Any suggestions I think that because of her parents and how out of control she was she has to control everything around her. And because she had those parents who most likely did not give her the attention that she needed throughout her growing up she is making up for it by acting out to at least get negative attention....better than nothing? I would try to talk to your son and see if he is willing to talk to her about it and the problems that they have. This probably won't work but it is worth a try if he is up for it. If not then I think he should let her go. She is trouble!!!!!!!!! If she is not willing to change or at least try and get some help with her problems then he should move on. I hope this has helped you and I pray for all three of you.
|
|
Return to the Message Board
