Quote From: glider43Hello. My 14 year old has her first boyfriend. He's about a foot shorter than she is, and looks much younger (he's 14 too). Of course, she looks like she's 25, a very attractive girl with a knockout figure. She has been "going out" with him for about a month. Anyway, she has been going over to his house, with his parents there, for long periods of time lately, and --you guessed it -- they've been fooling around. Yes, I snooped, reading the messages on her cell phone, which greatly alarmed me, since it sounds like they have french kissed, he's seen her breasts, and they were "grinding," which I guess means imitating sex with their clothes on. SO...what do I do now? Try to talk to her? Ground her? Go beat up the guy and his parents? (kidding) I have no one else to talk to. My husband would absolutely freak. So PLEASE, someone give me some advice. I thought she was a level headed kid, but I guess I was wrong.
Well lets focus on the positive side. She didn't have sex! No really that is the big positive side here, she isn't pregnant or has an STD! Now since she is in this stage of her sexuality it is important you get her condoms and get her on the pill.
If you are wondering Am I enabeling her by giving her protection, saying it is okay. Well I don't know and it really doesn't matter either.She hasn't had sex but isn't for off from it either. This means that it is far more important to make sure that she is safe rather then thinking of what kind of message it sends out.
Other thing that you need to do is to talk to her. I don't know if you talk about sex in your home but it is an important part in raising your kid. You need to talk to her in an Adult way (forbidding things will make her shut you out and that of course is not good) You should say that you know what she has done and you can say that you do not agree with that. Do it in a calm way, and give her reasons why you don't like her doing that. Always keep in mind that you are talking to an olmost adult here. She might also have questions of her own please answer them and answer them truthfully, lying only backfires. If you don't know be honest aswell. Don't think she is too young to nkow the answer to a question, if she asks it she is ready to know.
The conversation is not so much about forbidding since it won't work, it should be about empowering her to say no if she feels she is not ready for it. She has to know she isn't wierd not to do that and that it is okay not to hold him off.
Communication is in this all very important as I said. Try to talk to her as an adult even if she is (and always will be) your little angel.
If you want more help try looking for sites on the internet about talking to your kids about sex. Make sure the information is objective and true. (some sites state false facts or present opinions as facts to scare parents into teaching abstinance only.) Sites that are run by a sexologist are a good place to start I guess.
One last thing, remember in all of this that there are two people involved in all of this. Your daughter and her boyfriend. Neither is more to blame then the other. They both did it out of their own free will.
Oet Gäöl
