Quote From: jessihhcuhhHi, Im a 16 year old girl and ever since 2 years ago ive been having big time issues with my dad regarding clothes. And no this is surprisingly not regarding him thinking im showing too much skin, (which i would completely understand). This is about his issues with me "rocker" clothing. And actually its not even the clothes. Its the shoes and gloves. My favorite outfits: the clothes im wearing in my default picture and jean tucked into flat black combat boots or a dress with my combat boots. It is absolutely ridiculous the fights we get into over this. If I am going out, he will refuse to take me unless i change shoes. (his biggest problem are the sneakers that go to my knees in my picture). I tell him that its my way of expressing myself andmy style and i ask him why i cant wear it?and his answer simply is: "Because I dont like it, so you cant wear it". He says i look like a b***** just trying to get attention because all rockers are "freaks" and his favorite word "weird". and GOD FORBID i wear fingerless gloves to go out. He starts yelling and cursing under his breath in the kitchen. Its so ridiculous. Theyre shoes and gloves! So im not allowed to express myself with my clothes. I have to wear the shoes he tells me to wear because he will not take me anywhere if i am wearing my boots, sneakers, or gloves or anything that might strike him as "rocker". Can i have your honest opinion on this please?
Girl, I've BEEN there.
My parents didn't want me wearing anything that made me stand out, so I was constantly butting heads with them about letting me be. If the gloves and boots freak him out, don't wear them both at the same time. Blasting him with a double negative is sure to boil his blood, and then having a fighting chance is a far cry from forseeable.
Approach him at a time that's good for him: watching t.v., reading, hanging out in the kitchen. Ask him why these thing bother him and LISTEN FULLY to his responses: don't interrupt. Once he's presented his case, you can then offer him your side, make statements, etc.
Some guidelines:
1. Don't use negative language or place blame. If you find yourself saying 'you always" or "you never", try owning your feelings. Try saying "I feel" and 'I think', because taking things as your own will help him to realize you're listening. Try REALLY HARD not to curse.
2. Address his concerns in a non-aggressive manner. If you have to stay quiet for a moment, think your point through before shouting it. Even if he starts to get upset, keeping your voice calm should bring him back down again.
3. If all else fails, ask mom for help. Having mom there to act as a filter can be helpful if he's too set in his ways to listen to you. She can assure and re-affirm statements made, and act as the solid ground in the storm. She is Switzerland.
Hope my ideas can help you: Good Luck.
