Quote From: just_me_07 I disagree with the premise that they have to grow up - I think
it takes a strong adult to say "I don't like this person - family or
not - and I CHOOSE not to have them in my life." If the hurt goes deep
enough, and the damage is dangerous enough to be this harmful, it is an
adult decision to make. Siblings who are told "she's your sister, how
can you shut her out this way?" are being guilted into "family comes
first" - and that's something I disagree with, as a tactic and a fact.
Family isn't chosen - but we CAN choose how we deal with them and whom
we choose to have in our lives.
I'm better off for not being enmeshed in my sister's web. I feel more
like a grown-up than I ever did, BECAUSE I made an adult decision to
cut the negative out of my life.
Unfortunately, I think you looked at this story as a personal one instead of objectively (according to your last paragraph). It is not always the other person's "web", but the other person who makes the choice to eliminate family members.
People give up on family way too often, and if people give up on family, they probably have less ties with the general public and give up them even quicker. Yes, family does come first, and always should.
And unfortunately, often therapists are the most damaging to family, but not getting two sides to events and building the client into believing they have options, which in fact are often not the most healty or best options, and can be permanent due to causing more pain.
