Replies to '07/08 Ask Dr. Phil'

The picture you see is a picture of myself behind the wheel of my car. My head, chin and ears are not normally that pointed!!! I altered the picture with Adobe Photoshop to make myself look like more like a troll, or a conehead! (Remember the Coneheads, the alien couple played by Jane Curtin and Dan Akroyd in the original Saturday Night Live?)

I do not think I was "putting myself down." I think I was being realistic. OK... I guess I have some "issues" myself. At age 48, I was stricken by a chronic immune system disease - not life-threatening, but somewhat debilitating and definitely annoying. A side-effect is that my appearance aged a decade virtually overnight. I used to be a young-looking 40-something guy with a full head of brown hair, and in fit, trim condition. Most of my students (I taught at a university) seemed genuinely shocked when learning how old I really was, and while I maintained complete fidelity to my wife, I was, on occasion, sought out by women 20 years my junior.

But when I got sick, the drugs I had to take (and STILL have to take) made me put on weight. What's more, a major symptom of my illness is chronic, bone-crushing nearly constant fatigue, making exercise of any kind very difficult. Further, I suffered a serious physical injury at about that same time while playing ice hockey - a full quadricep rupture. It took surgery and a full year of rehab just to regain my ability to walk. The physical activities I used to enjoy are now simply out of the question these days. So in just a short period, I gained 60 pounds that I have yet to be able to shed. Lastly - I don't really know whether it is the cocktail of medications I take - or just the emotional stresses I have endured, but my hair fell out seemingly overnight and what's left of it has turned gray - again nearly overnight. If one saw my drivers license picture of today and compared it one from 10 years ago, you would see on the latter hand, a guy who could pass for 35, and on the former, a guy who could pass for 65. This has been quite a shock. I was one of those guys who was hardly ever sick - never smoked, drank modestly, didn't use drugs, kept reasonably fit. And overnight it was taken away from me.

That is perhaps why I couldn't wrap my head around someone like Amanda. She's beautiful... if I were single and a few decades younger, I'd surely consider her worth asking for a date. And nearly any guy like me with two working eyes in his head would likely say the same, including guys richer and better-looking than I. She needs to enjoy what she has NOW! I think I know better than most that it will be taken away from her too soon for her taste either by time or by events. But if she goes to one of these flesh-sculpting knife-jockeys, all bets are off. All she will gain for sure is that warm and fuzzy feeling from paying to put one of her doctor's children through Harvard.