Replies to '07/08 Ask Dr. Phil'

I agree that if her husband can't understand the gravity of what he has done that they should get a divorce.

But he is DEAD WRONG on that it is any part her fault for being too tuned into her children and being a mom instead of being her husband's best friend.

This is partially a FREE PASS to all the guys who claim they do their online romancing because they are lonely.  They do it because they belive they can get away with it.

My ex-husband had online affairs, he was the one who moved away from the real world relationship where despite having children I was trying my best to be his companion and even slept with him 3 times a week.

Frankly to these men the time they spend online where they are "perfect" and someone wants to chat with them all day about what a sexy beast they are is worth withdrawing from a real world where your wife knows all your faults but loves you anyway. In the real world there are crisises that can't be wiped out with smiley faces and phone sex.

Dr. Phil never called him on his more than 100 messages a day to the other woman.  What in his "real" life was he neglecting to do all of those? Was he taking from his family to pay for his activities?

A real world wife cannot compete with an online mistress who tells him how perfect he is, sends him naughty pictures, and agrees what a bitch his partner must be for having real adult expectations of him. These affairs end when the real world creeps in, then they just put that partner on ignore and look for another.

His BS that his online affair made his marriage better is straight from a popular website which is not written by a marriage or family therapist, but a husband and wife who hold this opinion. Its real popular in the I have just been caught crowd and is the first link in many search engines when you type in that question.

I bet you anything that he was the one who withdrew first to something more exciting, but he just can't see it. It happens slowly sneaking out into the yard to send a few texts, and getting up late at night.  My ex husband even admits that by the end when he was caught by his employer that he was never emotionally present with his family because he had 3 women all fighting over him which was much more exciting.

Dr. Phil you are wrong. When your man is deadset on living the fantasy and withdraws into it there is nothing a good wife and mother can do.  I suggest you look into the fantasy life these men live.

My own ex-husband has lost not only a marriage of 10 years, but any contact with his 2 children, along with at least 3 jobs because his life is centered on a computer fantasy world.  He does not engage with the real world any longer.  He is not alone.  It is a crisis facing many families, and placing any piece of the blame on a woman for being dedicated to her children is not the answer.  As far as I know there is no cure, there is no doctor out there combating men leaving their families to join virtual opium dens. There are lots of ways to hide it, and lots of ways to get away with it until he is finally caught and the wife is left to live with the unbearable pressure of trying to save a marriage in a world where many therapists do not understand the emotional thrill the man got from it the whole time.