Replies to 'Single Parenting'

I am a single mother of an 8 1/2 yr old son his father was always in trouble too.  Once I found out I was pregnant I left his father also realizing I didn't want to put my son thru what I went thru. ( he was abusive and an alcoholic and cheater)  His dad was in rehab most of my son's life.  Until I felt my son was ready I didn't tell him where his father was just that he had to work out of town..  After while it started to effect him at school.  So I sat down and talked to him.  Told him that his father was sick and loves him and that is why he is away trying to get the help he needs cause he was never taught the right way.  I have always been honest with my son.  At some point he started to blame himself for his dad leaving.  When his father got out of rehab the 2nd time he would come by maybe once a month to see his son  and when he did he would be drinking and/or smoking.( I don;t smoke and maybe drink once every 3 mo.)  My son started to realize his dad would never change.  I explained to my son that his dad does love him just is not ready to be a full time parent  and that I would always be there for him no matter what.  His dad's mother comes to town quite often and when there is school holidays he goes to her house, and he would rather be with his g'ma then his dad.  My son know that I do as much as possible to get his dad to write or just call and even he gets frustrated when he calls and his dad doesn't answer the phone.  I have even told my son that he has 4 other bro/sis all from different mothers (he only see one of them)  And he is upset that his dad could do that and not care about how the other kids feel.  My son doesn't lie to me I know cause he comes home and tells me things good and bad that he has done thru the day and know he will get in trouble but I tell him it would be worse if he wasn't honest, that I would eventually find out.  I am always honest with him And you would be surprised at how much your kids do understand what is going on.  They can tell when you are upset or bothered.  I wouldn;t come out and say her father is in Jail yet just that he has a problem and because he loves her is trying to get all better so he can be a better parent.    I also keep a journal of when, what or how the time spent with the father is whether it be good or bad.  So that when my son grows up he can see for himself.  He will even write in there sometimes about how much fun he had at his dads or that he tried calling and was upset his dad didn't answer or call back.  Just hold your ground and be glad that you are raising her and she will pick up your mannerisms and won't rebel.  I even talk to my son that when he gets older he might want to drink and that I know that and I just want him to be able to know that he can call me instead of getting behind the wheel.  Even though he  tells me over and over he will never drink.  I tell him well just know that I will ALWAYS be there.    That;s the best thing you can do   is to let your child know they can rely on you and your support.