Replies to 'General Advice'

 
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October 19, 2005, 4:08 pm PDT

be honest, but stick to facts

Quote From: cscutie79

 Desperately need some advice .          I am a 26yr old single mom of a very beautiful and intelligent 8 yr old. When I found out I was pregnant for her I broke up with her father because I finally saw who he was( Liar, Cheat and troublemaker). Well a couple of yrs ago he talked me into letting them meet. My daughter was quickly drawn to him but I realized he was never going to change. Shortly after he got into trouble and was placed behind bars.My Daughter didn't know him very long but she fell in love with her "dad" and now I am torn about what I should Do.  Should I let him fade like some distant memory?   SHould I tell my daughter that he is in jail???   I feel like she is happy and we have a stable home...
I never Bad mouth him...As a matter of fact I always remind her that He does love her very much and Im sure he misses her.   Do you think knowing her dad is a bad person will affect her?? Should I allow him to write or should I keep on telling my daughter that I am clueless to his whereabouts?
I dont want her to be angry at me when she gets older for not telling her, but on the same note I'm not sure if children should know that one of their parents is BAD.   PLease Help me If you can...

My gut reaction is that she deserves to know the truth.  You tell her that her daddy loves her, but she never gets to see him.  That's got to be confusing.  She may wonder if he's staying away because of something that she said or did. 

  

But while you're telling her the truth, stick to facts, not opinions.  Don't say that her daddy is "bad."  Tell her that Daddy is in jail because he made some really bad choices and he broke the law.  (You don't have to be too specific if she's not developmentally ready to hear what he did, like if he committed rape or something).  It's okay to teach her that actions have consequences and that people who choose to break the law--no matter who they are--have to go to jail. 

 


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